Bottle of Hopes

tumpang sekejap

2011-10-13T07:18:00.001-07:00

Hi, kita tahu kita dah tutup blog ni, tapi kita memerlukan tempat untuk mengomel manja <3 hihiks. ok asal gedik sangat ni, pergi mampos sekarang.

oh my god, sekarang kita rasa stress sangat. Nak kuruskan badan ni susah tau, memang emosi, kalau tak cukup will power memang mcm hamsab walaupun kita tak tahu hamsab tu apa :(

I teringin sangat nak kurus. Everyday, pagi-pagi I sanggup pergi gym. Usually I akan buat cardio around 1 hour, untuk burn around 500-600 calories. Then masuk class mind body or soul macam yoga, pilates, body balance, ball pilates macam tu, then depends, kalau I ada personal training I pergi personal training, kalau xde I pergi group exercise. So macam everyday mesti 3 hours duduk dekat gym, dah 2 weeks macam ni, sebab kene rest hari tu kan, it was so fucking tiring! tapi buat jugak sebab nak kurus and bayar gym mahal +____+

So basically, kalau u guys tengok memang dasyat kan I punya gym. TAPI BALIK RUMAH MEMANG LAPAR NAK MAMPOS. serious, kalau letak seekor kambing panggang, memang kita habis kan sorang, lagi-lagi dengan barbecue sauce dengan mashed potato. +_____________+

Stress sangat. So kene lah kawal nafsu, tapi susah gila, tiba-tiba pulak mak balik bawak meehon goreng, +______________________________+ abah pulak ajak pergi KFC. HEI, TAK NAMPAK KE KITA GEMOK NI. sobs.

So sekarang ni, kita nak buat jadual makanan. TOLONG LAH ARLINA IKUT, KALAU MAKAN TAK JAGA, PERGI EXERCISE LAPAN RIBU TAHUN PUN TAK BERKESAN OKAY!

Breakfast: just eat the freaking cereal man. Its the best.

Lunch: drink 750 ml of plain water. habiskan botol nike tu, so u rasa kenyang macam nak pengsan. Then have your apple first! then baru makan lunch.

For lunch, you boleh pilih lauk, WITHOUT NASI! Tapi mesti lapar, so, kita ganti nasi dengan roti gardenia hijau tu, ye, mari buat sandwich berlauk! yummyyy.

In between mesti lapar gila, makan papaya okay!

Dinner. Dinner, harus makan benda yang suci. kalau boleh tiada carbs sebab lepas tu nak tidur, kau nak guna energy untuk apa? haa? ok asal macam emosi ni. +__+

seeloknya makan lah protein kan. Tapi mahal. +_________+ why everything so mahal!

ok tolong lah ikut ni arlina! kau nak gemok sampai tua ke? tak nak kan? so kuruskan badan ok? OKAY?

GOOD.

hi, Arli is back.

2011-09-03T05:04:00.000-07:00

The actual plan was to tell you guys, in the next 5 months. When I, already fly to Australia. but I'm lazy enough to update borhan.

I guess, borhan's phase has ended. really. I created borhan when I was in UK, almost 3 years back. That episode, has ended.

Hence, please allow me to create another blog. :)

here, -->

www.arliinaussie.blogspot.com or click here

because bottle of hopes bottled up my journey in IB and before I went to KMB, so, I guess its okay for me to do a blog before I fly to aussie and when Im doing my degree later on. so yeah, Arli in Aussie it is. :D

im going to close this blog. :)

2011-08-25T19:21:00.000-07:00

goodbye

It is over, this phase.

2011-08-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

the number status game is kinda funny and fun. Nevertheless, beside being fun, it does reflect my relationship with my friends.

I would like to talk about this particular friend. I hope this 'friend' will not read it, but still i want to share, eheh.

Previously, I liked him so much. More like loved as my friend reckoned. I would felt a little jolt in my heart when he passed by me or when he gave me a simple hello. He accidentally brushed my hands once in a while, and my heart would beat in a crazy tempo. Although I may not swim across the ocean nor catch a grenade for him, but I would certainly did my best if he asked for my help. I just have this strong affection towards him.

I would write pages and pages about him, about my emotion, my sadness and my sorrow of not being able to have his heart. All the small details about him I would realized and remembered. The way he frowned, his fidgeting legs, his poses, his gestures, his smells, his smiles and one million small other things about him.

Nevertheless, i have moved on. :)

Yesterday, he asked me to write about him, and sadly I couldn't. There is no memory about him. Its so funny how someone could change from everything to nothing. Well I wouldn't say that he is nothing but, nonetheless that is what my heart is trying to tell me. He is just a phase, a chapter, or maybe two chapters in my life.

and this chapter, has comes to an end. Everything is over. Then I realize, I don't particularly miss him. I miss our friendship.

________________________

This is so funny, really. I used to like him a lot. like, a lot. I never like anyone like I like this guy.

It's funny how your heart cheats on you.

Doctor degil ♥

2011-08-15T16:15:00.000-07:00

Okay I'm sorry for not following my 30 days challenge, but I will do my 30 reasons, it is just that I need time.

Because my first reason is, I think that I am quite creative, *yes, you may puke now* and I'm going to sing, and I'm not in the mood to record myself singin'

anyway, some random thoughts;

When I have my own kids, I am going to be quite balance. I will lay out some of their life plans, and I will give them some freedom as well.

exhibit A:

I will send them to kindergartens as early as 4 years old, (or maybe 3 for them to socialize with other kids) and assign them to many languages classes as possible. Eg, arabic, (other languages that their umi and abi can speak)

Then, I will ask them to try few activities, like swimming, archery, violin, piano and etc and ask them which one they like the most and I will enroll them for the classes that they are going to choose.

if they are lucky enough (read: mak diorg kaya time tu) they will go to IB school. hehe =D

I want by 16, they are already preparing for their IB diploma. and if im like super rich, im going to send them to a boarding school in UK. (sebab currently, sekolah tu produces good IB kids)

__________________________

another random thought,

i always imagine that I will raise my kids alone. Every time I'm thinking about my kids future, my future husband never interfere my imagination. takutnya, I takut nak jadi single mother.

________________________

yes, i berangan a lot, like years and years ahead. but its a good thing kan, no?

30 days beautiful challenge

2011-08-12T13:42:00.000-07:00

beautiful by arlinaarshad featuring a silk flower brooch

Yesterday, i was struck with my ugly fit.

FYI, ugly fit is a sudden of feeling ugly and if it conquers you so bad, you might want to kill yourself. Nevertheless, I was saved by a lovely lad called sufi :)

This ugly fit has been going for quite sometime that I think I need a professional help. :( Some people might think I am just being a drama queen but dealing with self-acceptance is hard for some people you know :( its not easy.

I was fat since I was 8-9 years old, I grew up as a fat girl. Getting nasty comments along hormonal changes did not really help in building a strong foundation of self confident.

Therefore, I am up for this challenge. In 30 days, I have to write about "why I love myself" and feel beautiful about it.

btw, thats my definition of beautiful, what's yours? :)

appen-whaaat?

2011-08-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

I would have to say, 6.8.2011 brought lotsa surprises to me. not a good one sadly :(

1. It's my graduation and since I am out of camera, i kinda hire a "photographer" which is a friend of mine. Turned out he slept after sahur and did not make it to PICC to be my photographer. ugghh. Getting a ticket for him was crazy enough...nvm. past is past.

Nevertheless, it doesn't stop me from being happy because I got to meet my friends and classmates and etc etc.

and i don't feel like posting my graduation picture, I look like a fat chinese girl wobbling in a black robe. omg. (nope, not intention to be racist fyi, telling the truth)

then, to make thing worst,(being fat and not having a photographer) my appendix decided to burst, hence i don't have appendix anymore, nada.

and i dont get to go to the gym for 2 months.

the good part is, I didn't die. :)

before I went into the operation theater, I was like, please don't die, please don't die. -___-

something random

2011-08-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

I know this is the holy month of ramadhan, but I do want to wear this with my boyfriend/husband/fiancee (hopefully, they are the same person, amin)

keep calm honey by arlinaarshad featuring wooden rings

I know, every body pukes when they saw couple wear something like this, but I think this is awesome.

Btw, of course I would wear it appropriately and cover up the aurat. :) I think this is so adorable :)

if

2011-08-03T10:54:00.001-07:00

If I were a bubble, i would be happy as when you touch me, i would popped and dissappear

If I were a rainbow, i would be happy as when things go wrong, i would make you happy with my wonderful
colours

And so I kinda fail

2011-08-02T02:19:00.000-07:00

My ramadhan plan fails, the first two days! how saddening is that? I had a mild diarrhea and tummy bug.

All I did for these two days is pretty much lying on my bed and surf the internet. Watching youtube videos. Trust me, I go from NYAN cat to anorexic videos to wedding videos. I'm dead bored. I should really read, but I couldn't move away from twitter and facebook. then it comes straight to my face. I'm addicted to the internet. Its just crazy and stupid for me to become this attached.

Probably because I talked a lot. and I need 2 ways communication so yeah, only twitter and facebook allow me to do that. :( Furthermore, I have another 6-7 months to go, and if my days go like this everyday, I'm gonna die soon. I mean, my mind is going to die soon.

previously I worked at O'briens but they nagged a lot I just couldn't stand those buzzy sounds. Life is short, why would I wanna waste it on sandwiches, but at the same time, life is an adventure, so why am I not doing anything.

it is such a mess actually, my life, now. The fact that I don't have much transport to move around, sitting here doing nothing. haih. Hopefully tomorrow my stomach would be okay and I would be able to follow my ramadhan plan.

After raya I'm going to go for a job hunt again, but probably at kedai baju this time. but its a bit hard to get a job around that industry because I wear a tudung and also not to mention, I'm fat. =)

Hopefully I'll get a job again at empire, so that it would be easier for me to go to my gym, only its going to be a bit weird, as I need to avoid the o'briens people.

Please pray that I have the strength to follow my ramadhan plan and also get a job after raya. =)

I want a great ramadhan.

2011-07-30T07:12:00.000-07:00

I saw someone doing a schedule for her Ramadhan. and also her two boys (her sons -__-) Imagine a small boy, like around 10 years old is planning to khatam a quran. I feel so worthless =O

4.30: Wake up for Qiamulail

5.00: prepare for sahur+sahur+read the quran

6.00: Subuh prayer

6.00-7.00: mathurat

7.00-8.30: Learn French

8.30-9.00: online

9.00-12.30: Study -____________- (PBL susah la, kita takut)

12.30-1.30: Read the Quran and solat zuhur

2.00-4.00: gym

4.00-6.00: balik gym, solat asar, read the quran

6.00-7.30: Read an ilmiah book+newspaper

7.30-8.00: Buka and pray

8.00-10.00: spend time at masjid.

10.00-11.00 Read a novel till i fall asleep.

Birthday wish list

2011-07-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

What I want from no one but myself =)

1. Not to tinggal solat. Not even one. (remember my challenge in June? hehe okay lah) Kalau tinggal pun kene qadar. eh mcm tu eh the way it is eja?

2. Go to gym more often. Like how often? Like everyday honey! :D

3. Please be more mature, you are twenty already arli. So crying when u gain 1 kg is not acceptable. :(

4. have a total control of yourself, of your life.

5. start appreciating what you have. :)

My twentieth birthday

2011-07-23T03:17:00.000-07:00

As usual, since I always have this tendency to over-think, I thought my birthday is going to be so lame. Moreover, since my family is having a crisis, I let myself not to over expect. Nevertheless, my Geng Bus Sekolah was so adorable to throw me a birthday day out. It was simple yet sassy. okay dah macam slogan.

we had tea at T forty two ( at least I think that is the way it is called) at empire

Okay, iylia is going to kill me for putting this picture. hehe

what we had for the tea party. :D

the fattest and thinnest in our group!

loving my girls. :)

loving the decorations.

then, we went to piccadilly.

the guys joined us, lambat sikit. hehe

all the members of geng bus sekolah.

Happy kid.

and we end the day by going to tutti frutti

Okay, I'm so aware that I have gotten much fatter, ( i gained 8kgs for god sake during IB exam phase, sama macam spm -___-)

so, ignore my fatness and enjoy the pictures.

second celebration

I celebrated it with my beserian bestfriends =D Linos and Ecah, and ecah brought along her sister, which became a great photographer after that. hehe

we ate at serai, empire. -___- obsess sangat dengan empire ni -__-

these were what I had, and all three of em were having fish and chips. comel betul

They treated me a cake, teehee. Sedap gila kot pavlova ni.

I was sooo pemalu with them, prolly because of not seeing each other for such a long time. :O

okay kita dalam gambar ni montel gila!

Okay, these were us, years ago. :( rindunya zaman kurang 22kg dari berat sekarang :'(

and the next day, I went to Malacca with iylia and nazrin. hihi we temanted iylia for her assignment (baba nyonya culture)

omg, seriously kalau kurus nanti, nak guna gambar ni untuk before after, lepas tu jual kat fitness first. gemok gila wey!

it was tiring but fun!, I love them to bits.

So yeah, I am not twenty years old, another one year untuk ada boyfriend. hihi.

since, i was 16 kot dah bersumpah. -____-

anyway, thanks to those who made my birthday so awesome. I love y'all to bits.

Special thanks for Najihah sayang for becoming the first one to call. but she couldn't beat sufi, who called 10 days earlier. :)

and kita maafkan sesiapa yang along the way tgk gambar mcm, omg gemok nya budak ni. its okay. peace out yaw!

Label me

2011-07-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

Hi, I am a future medical student.

By dad nagged at me a lot, because I decided to pick this specs/glasses/whatever you call it. He said, people won't see me as a serious person.

Serious is more like a verb(in my opinion, please don't use it elsewhere) or attitude. It couldn't be depicted by appearance. hmmm.

Luahan hati

2011-07-17T11:48:00.001-07:00

Lets talk about bersyukur.

Personally, I do think facebook, twitter and tumblr are destructive tools in anyone's life- especially us girls.

Facebook

Facebook has allows us to accept the fact that stalking is cool and acceptable. On another case, we also kinda expose ourselves to be stalked. Fancy pictures, funny statuses, public drama, fighting wall to wall and I am sure you that you are familiar with these situations.

Stalking kills. Just now, I was attracted to read ayie's status about his Physics Olympiad. I feel so worthless and jealous. This is because I never contribute my efforts in any "academic" competitions.

Then I saw how she is happy now with him. Like so happy. sigh, this is another story.

then, there is this girl who went to gym and turns so skinny.

those who no longer have acne

and many more to list.

Twitter

They basically updates whatever they are doing now. Dinner with abah, lunch with boyfriend, watched harry potter and bla bla bla

the jealousy then strikes again. sigh. This is really sad you know.

Tumblr

When they show the picture of their rooms, the clothes that they get to wear, their holidays :'(

You know, this is what you get for comparing your life with others. I mean, I think it should be okay if I know how to compare it.

Like let say, I compare my life with para sahabats rasul, the 4 khalifahs, I mean, it would be better kan. Ni tidak, terkongkong dalam dunia superficial ni. I'm going to be 20 for god sake. sigh

bad bad achievement!

Hear what Bimbo gotta say

2011-07-14T23:17:00.000-07:00

I have become an uber bimbo right now.

1. I tweet almost all the time.

It could be, " I just ate pizza today, I've sinned, sorry trainer" or "Yay, another 16km of cycling today" or "omg, I hate my life" To be honest, I don't think anyone is fascinated by my tweet unless if I tweet something relate-able to them. Furthermore, I have come to a point where I realize, having a twitter means you are going to be so full of yourself and think that the world revolve around me. Of course it is not necessarily applicable to everyone but some of my tweets peeps are definitely suffering from those symptoms mentioned. Yes, buddy, you just got yourself a #twitterfever

2. I go to the gym (almost) everyday and kinda start dieting *barf*

To be honest, I'm so tired of being fat and weak and tired all the time. Being fat sucks, especially when you have hari kesihatan/pjk/ujian ketahanan diri. I had to run about 2 km in 20 minutes for BTN. THANK GOD I PASSED, it was a wonder to me as well.

Staircase was a killer to me and I feel so inferior in many fun activities such as abseiling, snorkeling, swimming and many more. I don't want dying without enjoying all those fun, and so I enroll myself in fitness first.

Hopefully I can lose weight and be more fit. Nevertheless, I have become so obsessive with it. Like yesterday, I was pissed off about something, and I ate nasi ayam! (when I'm angry, I eat a lot) and I gained 1kg! 1 freaking kg, so i was sooo mad with myself, NAK SANGAT NAIK BERAT KAN, AND SO I ATE PIZZA SEBAB MARAH DEKAT DIRI SENDIRI. ok I know it doesn't sound so rational, but yeah, it happens. :|

and right now I don't even dare to step on my weighing scale.

on another note, when I am at the gym, I feel so inferior and such a loser.

3. I think about shopping too much,

as I explained in earlier entries, I got too attach with www.polyvore.com; its a website where you can design your full attire.

I just love shoppinggggggggggggggggggg. :(

4. I cannot drive.

the last time i drove a car, was my JPJ test. DO I NEED TO SAY MORE. ?

5. I cannot cook

and the list goes on.

sigh, hopefully I will become a better woman. amin.

Dear Allah

2011-07-13T02:13:00.000-07:00

I remember I wrote before, Your manifestation of rezeki is equal. I guess, your manifestation of hardships are equal too.

I know, I have asked for so many things already. Placement, bla bla bla. Hari tu, bukan main risau lagi interview newcastle and james cook. sekali dapat dua-dua

Right now, I can't choose which uni I want to go, while some of my friends don't have placement for time being.

sometimes, I rasa I macam selfish gila, but I do want to go to University of western sydney. Dia rasa macam, U know kadang-kadang, we have too much failures, and this is the time when u can get what you want, but being stopped, so memang gila.

I pun confuse, I memang nak bersyukur, in fact, I bersyukur gila being accepted by two universities, siap waived my ielts lagi!, it shows that I am something kan?

mintak-mintak miracle happens and I dapat pergi University of Western Sydney.

KAT SANA ADA FITNESS FIRST

Astaghfirullah

2011-07-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Allah, please help me.

I asked too much, and pray too little. This is not the first and also the last. As a discontented servant, I should be slapped. Really.

The fact my choices and decisions kinda make me run away from you. I'm so mean ya Allah. I mean, I've been learning about keikhlasan and all. hmmm.

Entah ya Allah, I don't know. I don't know whether it is another defense mechanism or I really want to work hard.

What if I party a lot, consume alcohol and finally let go of my aurat? losing my crucial identity as a muslim. ya Allah, that would be horrible.

Ya Allah, show me the right path. that will bring more good. but how do I know ya Allah. how do I know.

astaghfirullah, please don't enclose me in golongan orang tak bersyukur, nauzubillah.

Ya Allah, is this consider as selfish? but I just want the best for my future and I believe I deserve this time around. Sedih sangat boleh tak. I kennot think. to be honest, I can't think :O

Ya Allah, please answer for me please. please answer it for me please. :(

The price of happiness

2011-07-10T12:41:00.000-07:00

After working out at the gym, I decided to get a healthy meal at kenny rogers. Chicken sandwich to fill an empty stomach. (penipu gila empty, banyaaaaaaaaaak gila lemak sekeliling)

one scene caught my eye. A small boy around 4-6 six years old was so elated or rather absolutely ecstatic about a particular event, (I, myself not sure what it was) quickly reached for his father's hand to tell him about it. As I eavesdropped their conversation, I died a little inside. "abah tengok tu", while he-I assumed-intended to tug his father's hand for his attention, but accidentally tug his watch. His father's response was too painful. "Careful with the watch!" he snapped at that innocent little kid, a kid, that maybe, probably, or actually thirst for his attention.

The kid was taken aback and moved few steps from his father, while his father walked away, not knowing his son was crying and hurt by his actions. As the little kid wept his tears, I wept mine too.

_________________________________

I don't know. Really, I don't know. Miss Syik once told me about her previous student. He came from a broken family. After few english classes, finally he realized he needed to do something with his family. He bought a cake to celebrate birthdays.

The moment miss syik finish her last sentence telling about the her previous student, tears started to well up in my eyes.

Is this an asian problem? In my view, I would say yes. I mean, if we compare it with other culture. I guess I got too attach with drama series from the west. They celebrate birthdays, say I love you before the kids go to sleep, read a bed time stories, and and many more. I rarely see asians do these rituals, unless if they are rich and westernized.

Its an asian thing. definitely. Anyone want to object? feel free. :)

______________

on the other hand, my birthday is coming soon. I guess my 19th birthday was quite nice. Thats good enough. Since my family has much more bigger problem right now, asking for a birthday present is the last thing that I want to do. So, I'll just be thankful and I think my IB result is a great birthday present from Allah. :)

lets think about my problems.

2011-07-10T00:53:00.000-07:00

I kinda enroll myself in fitness first at empire. I really want to go there everyday, so that the amount that I paid monthly would be worth it.

but I have two problems.

1. I don't have much gym apparel

2. my transport is limited. wait, i only have one form of transport, and that is abah sending me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

second, I would like to have a personal trainer because he brings much benefit to me. :)

but

I dont have the money :O

and I know I should work, but if I work, the usual working hours would be around 9 hours, so my gym hours will be burnt. -________-

plus I am so malas to work and not to mention i hate when people boss me around. :(

------------------------

Okay, I will look for work again, after settling down with my ielts and university application. plus, during ramadhan, I dont want to work. ccomplicated kan kan kan

-______________-

susah jugak jadi orang gemok tak berduit ni.

and no, this song is not 100% true. :(

Okay, this is my diary

2011-07-09T11:11:00.000-07:00

To be honest, I used to be honest a lot. hehe

Okay, to be honest, I do miss those times when Bottle of Hopes is a proper blogging site. I share my Mara Essay, tips for interview, gave my tips on how to move on, vlog and etc etc. I even got unknown readers commenting. IT WAS UBER FUN! but right now, especially right after I got into IB, Bottle of Hopes has a become a public diary.

but, although I dont have much readers now, I like to keep bottle of hopes in this way. To write what I want and what I feel rather than pleasing other people.

________________________

I would really like to thank Dara Nabihah for becoming a new loyal reader after seed. haha. -___-

Thank you dara =D

arguing over apple and orange

2011-07-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

It's funny the way I overreacted -almost every time towards Mr R's comments regarding doctors in general. Usually its either "alah, doctor just direct the nurses to do all the stuff" or "senang je belajar jadi doctor ni, hafal-hafal, untuk 5 tahun" Then, he would compare it with pilot.

How the lives of hundreds people lie in the hand of pilot. Of course, the this argument would go no where because basically we are comparing apple and orange. Unless we are comparing a good and rotten apple, then someone will win.

He got lucky today I did not shout (or I think I did) okay, he got lucky today I did not shout louder because I was filled with salmon sashimi. Because, when I am full, I'll be less angrier.

Nevertheless today I was extra sensitive because I think my IB journey was @)(@)*$#%^&*&^%$#$%^&* It was full with hills, bumps, detour, u-turns, dead ends and then we need to reverse and find a correct path before we got lost in the journey again.

There are times when we need to juggle with so many things and clearly two hands were not enough after those balls being added one by one.

1. My laptop break down and I have to write my EE and TOK again, FROM SCRATCH (okay I lied, from the first draft, but basically I have to go through all over again!)

2. EE submission, TOK presentation, chemistry and biology test were in the same week

3. Need to send maths portfolio on the day we had IOC

4. Need to redo maths portfolio

5. quizzes (do I need to say more?)

6. two lab reports every week?

7. failing all quizzes -_______________________-

8. other non-academic activities

9. dramas along the way (bercinta,putus cinta, liked few weird guys zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

10. Stupid stupid rules that burdened us even more.

Okay, maybe I was exaggerating. IB was not a killer, maybe I was too weak. there are good things IB or KMB gave me too.

I guess I have my "ego". I do want people to think IB is hard because at least I want them to know that I am strong enough to go through that crazy ride.

and I know medic school is going to be crazy as well. I am going to have that uber confusion between pathogen and phagocytes, tricuspid and bicuspid, the side effects of aspirin, the downside of using magnesium and why not use the aluminium in antacid and many more to list.

When someone said it is easier to be a doctor than (includes any professions) I think it's bullshit. every professions have their own difficulties, even being a sandwich maker during lunch hour was hard :(

Therefore, after this, when people talk about doctors, I will shut up. suck it in. and stop arguing.

especially when they talk about doctor and nurses. BOLEH GADUH BESAR TAU. ok bye.

Ib points are just numbers

2011-07-08T00:54:00.000-07:00

I don't really post anything at my facebook nor updating status regarding my result. of course, it makes others wonder a lot hence explaining this post.

I meet the required points :), Alhamdulilah,

Now I would like to talk about those who did not make it. The other day, I went to kuantan and met ustaz yusuf. he told me, cuba fikir balik, all those wishes that had been granted already, before this. There are times when Allah gives, and there are times when Allah holds or replace it with something better. Sebenarnya, its not gagal, its belum berjaya.

from my experience, after working hard,pushing ourselves to the limit, those sleepless night, practicing paper after paper and the when the result obtain is not what we desired for, to be honest IT WAS FUCKING PAINFUL. People accuse you of not studying hard, people label you stupid, bla bla bla.

once, a person even asked me, apa kau buat sampai boleh dapat 29 eh?

yes. people are mean like that, but you know what ignore them. seriously, ignore them. ignore those negatives thought. ignorreeeeeeeeeeeeee.

right now, there are two things you can do. let say, if you really want to be a doctor, just pursue it. kalau IB points tak cukup untuk pursue medic, you can always opt for diploma again. science diploma ke. then go for degree. I know its a long way to go, but if you really want to be a doctor, nothing should stop you.

I know its easier to say than done, btw that was my plan B if i dont meet the requirement.

and if you really think being a doctor is not actually your forte, then there is no harm in changing your dream.

I have few stories to share, and these stories i kinda share it with most of my friends at kmb already, but maybe you tak pernah dengar ke. hehe,

story 1.

lets call him abu. Abu is a smart guy, basically he did not really need to study properly. Just be awake in all classes and some efforts he would achieve flying colours easily. Nevertheless, he got too attach to his girlfriend. Sadly, his girlfriend was in M'sia, so long distance did not really work for him, but they tried so hard to work it out as if their relationship worth more than his scholarship.

fast forward, he did not make it, although he is freaking brilliant. 7 years in medic school and he couldn't pass the test. He did not get to be a doctor.

get this, previously his IB points was 40+ and he studied in UK.

but right now, he is working happily, in a famous computer company. :)

So what I want to tell you is, life ni sentiasa akan ada dugaan.

------------------------------------

ada orang tu cantik, tapi mungkin parents dia bercerai, ada orang parents dia tak bercerai, tapi hari-hari gaduh sebab duit, ada yang tak bergaduh sebab duit, sebab dah memang hidup miskin, ada yang hidup miskin, tapi dapat fly dengan duit scholarship, ada yang tak dapat scholarship tapi adik-beradik semua sihat, tak ada cancer, ada orang dapat scholarship, tapi Allah bagi dia dapat cancer, ada orang bila dapat cancer, Allah bagi keluarga penyayang to go along with it, ada orang hilang parents dari kecik, ada orang tak pernah merasa the fun ada adik beradik, ada orang tak pernah dimadukan, ada orang bila dimadukan, tapi anak semua soleh dan solehah, yang tak dimadukan, ada anak yang derhaka.

I believe Allah is maha Adil. His manifestation of rezeki is equal, only in different forms.

(ambil dari sufi (okay, sufi ni nama org, bukan ahli sufi))

I know, its easier said than done it myself. Masa I tak dapat pergi UK dulu pun, orang mcm, suruh sabar-sabar. I dah mcm, pergi mati kau suruh sabar, memang lah kau boleh suruh aku sabar kan, sebab result kau bagus. -____-

Based on my observation, I could see that those who did not make it, they are more closer to Allah. Really. Then I realise how obstacles could be turn to a great hikmah.

I pun sebenarnya takut nak tulis ni, because I know I'll be tested. takutnyaaaaaa :( but, the truth is, dugaan is part of our life. without it, life is never a battle. hmmm

Dear friends, I love you all. Please be strong. Please chase that dream. eh sedih lah benda ni. sigh.

My Ideal Day

2011-07-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

6.00am-wake up and prepare for subuh, solat subuh and read the quran.

7.00am-mandi kerbau and prepare to go to gym.

7.20-9.00-working out at gym (ok tak de lah terus menerus, ni dah campur tukar baju, mandi manda)

9.00-10.00-breakfast and read the newspaper. Yes, READ THE NEWSPAPER

10.00-12.00-study some medical related stuff, thingie, etc etc (supaya otak tidak terkejut)

12.00-2.00-enlighten myself with some islamic readings and also zuhur. +lunch

2.00-4.30-learn a new language, french perhaps.

4.30-7.00-asar+learn how to cook+cook for dinner

____________________

ok i cannot go on anymore.

I think i have to look for a job again. -_____-

how to kill the time, properly? and bermanfaatly?

Random Wishes

2011-07-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

Lets not talk about result for a while. :)

_______________

1. I really think my brain is finally making a peace reconciliation with my body. I seem to be less hungry than usual. What I need right now is a stronger mind to control my hand not to pick up any food when the full switch is turn on. Like 30 minutes ago. Finishing up a yong tau fu while watching harry potter was a bad decision. AND I WAS FULL ALREADY

2. I got myself addicted to this cool website called Polyvore, its like going back to the seventies, having a paper doll and you can play "match up" (i kinda created that name). Basically you can choose the perfect entire outfit on certain themes like playdate, out at the beach, punk rock (again, I made up the themes)

some of the examples

alternatives by arlinaarshad featuring floral skinny jeans

Play date by arlinaarshad featuring sparkle jewelry

spongebob by arlinaarshad featuring short heels

and I wish I can wear things like these, of course with some modifications so that all of these attires fit the definition of "proper lady"

Fashion is one of the reason why I need to lose weight. haish.

3. I quit my job. Nevertheless, I need money to pay the gym and also my trainer. *scratching head

dear weak arli

2011-07-05T08:16:00.000-07:00

okay this letter is written to me, and I have to read it, in case I do not make it (meet the cut off points)

Dear Arlina

Remember during SPM years? your knowledge in Biology was so bad, (till now actually) you kept getting a C and D even in SPM trial. Everyone doubted your choice in becoming a doctor. Most people thought you are better off as an engineer because you kept getting an A for both physics and add. maths.

Yes, flying to UK was one of your dream but you consider other places as well like India, Polland or even IMU.

fast forward a bit, Remember when doing hospital attachments? Most of the doctors come from Malaysia and they did a great job handling all those patients. Studying at HUKM even crossed your mind because the doctors that you had met mostly from HUKM.

fast forward more, in sem 3. Your childhood dream was crashed. You did not get the chance to go to UK. Everyone thought you were being so dramatic and so emotional, such a brat drama queen who fussed a lot and etc etc. Its not their fault anyway, no one really knew you really want to go to UK. It was your childhood dream and of course that dream, crushed mak and abah so bad. Of course, you break down. badly. sangat teruk.

You distanced yourself from almost everyone. You hated everyone. You cried over small things. Mak and abah were burdened by your behaviour. You have to jog every evening to have a good peace of mind, eat a lot, and most importantly you meet Allah again. You joined choir for graduation, you started to be less serious in your study, you have a wide aperture of view in life and you become a whole better person in my opinion.

You don't really think life is a competition anymore. You see knowledge as a beautiful things, as lessons in life. Remember your analogy about the cardiac cycle? glutamic acid and valine? and many more. and I would to remind again, how close you were to Allah in Sem 3 compared to sem 4 and now.

Everyday before sleep, you will write to Allah, everyday after each prayer, You'll write to Allah. asking him to help you. to give more strength.

Do you know how awful you were before?

(after this I'm going to reveal my true self back then, and I hope you wont be too taken aback by this)

in Sem 1 and sem 2, you really hate too solat. You only solat when you were in KMB. when you were at home, you just dont like to solat. sometimes, you would not solat and tinggalkan solat without feeling guilty ke apa. You hate that tudung as well kan. you think its so lame. You never recite the quran. imagine arlina from zero, you can finish 15 juzuk in one sem also with the tafsir sekali, in one sem, from zero.

besar betul hikmah Allah beri for not going to UK. You become more stronger, more rational in making decision and best thing of all, you are closer to Allah.

So now you see why Allah gives you things like this? because you keep forgetting. lama-lama when its easier to pick up stuff, when it is easier to understand all those facts, you dont really write to Allah anymore kan. solat sunat pun susah nak buat. You refused to go to surau sebab it will take your study time.

waktu nak dekat exam je bukan main buat solat hajat lagi. You SEE?

I can still remember when in Sem 3, people asked you why you seemed to be more happy compared to before and you told them because you have fallen in love with Allah. and now that love is not that obvious anymore

previously you shared ayat quran with people and now you only share jocks in facebook.

and when at times like this, when you become so fragile and emotional, then you go back to Allah.

what do you think Allah is? Allah tu tuhan tau, bukan tempat untuk pergi bila sedih je, but a god that you need to worship all the time happy or sad.

most importantly, dont be mad at Allah.

He knows better okay. He knows better. Allah knows better.

______________________________________

Ya Allah, the result is already out. I know you are powerful, just like what Ustaz Yusuf said too me. You are powerful. I know you can do anything. Please ya Allah. please. amin.

cik nani

2011-07-03T08:31:00.000-07:00

after hours of journey from kuantan to subang jaya, my mom and I had to go to summit to buy my training shoes. (summit was a really wrong choice) Before heading back to home, I decided to get myself a coffee bean late dinner because we didn't have proper meal from morning.

Then I had a small quarrel with my mom. I guess my fear of failing makes me a monster. She talked about my previous result and I was so defensive and disturbed.

When we reached home, I quickly went to my messy room and couple of hours later I went down to look for my food. She did not eat her cake. She went sleeping straight away I guess and I know she must have been terasa with me.

and today I feel like blogging about her.

My mom is unique, even her name is unique. A unique name to match her unique and bold character. Her name is Kasnani bt Ab Karim and usually people call her nani or ni. She is old-fashion, funny, hard working, a great motivator, weird, crazy and most importantly a great mother.

To be honest, when I was a teenager, I kinda embarrassed with the way she dressed up. She is so random and has this I-dont-care attitude. If she feels like wearing a red blouse and green skirt and a yellow tudung, no one can stop her. She never bothers about designers stuffs regardless she owns most of them. My father bought her a celine handbag and I bet she never really care about the brand because in the end she would rather use my unbranded bags instead. I would vividly remember when we went to UK few years back. She wore a flowerish trench coat and actually felt pretty in it. I was too blind back then and I told her, mak, mana ada lagi orang pakai baju bunga-bunga ni. I said bluntly, ignoring her feelings and also the fact vintage is accepted in all eras.

right now, when my mind is less shallow, I just don't mind about the way she dresses up anymore. What's inside is more important.

My mom is a mother that would die for me. She had done so many things for me. Like just now, she let me sleep on her lap for 5 hours despite she has pair of painful knees. She drives me around whenever I want to go although she could be knackered like hell. She never leaves the house without buying breakfast for me and the other day, there was no car in my house, without knowing it, she walked in the middle of the day with killing temperature just to buy my lunch.

I grew up with her. there was a period of time where my mom and I live separately from the rest of the family members because she need to proceed with her master. Imagine juggling a thesis and a 6 months baby. I did ask her why she wanted to jaga me and she said mak tak percaya orang lain jaga anak mak.

My mom also does not have a good efficiency in english language. Yes, she could pronounce rape as "wrap" with an innocent poker face. Once she got into a fight with her colleague, her colleague shouted "why you keep denying everything?" and her reply was, apa maksud deny eh? She realizes her weakness and spent a lot of money on us-the siblings for our english education. She sent all of us to english kindergarten, bought us english books (with the cassette and all) to ensure we can speak english well.

also funny things about my mom she is so paranoid. She cannot go into lifts on her own. She once screamed ada peragut while that innocent man on his motorcycle continue ordering his kuew teow and she is technology illiterate.

my brother had to teach her how to download videos from youtube and she wrote herself a step by step note.

when my brother said, lepas tu mak tutup page ni, tekan butang x ni pergi kat desktop

and she wrote, step 11: tekan butang x.

she is so noob and cute.

My mom is so different.

She is not a hot mama. She wears what she likes and don't really bother about her appearance

she is not a cool mom as well. The moment she mms-ed me, I got star strucked.

She is not a proper-housewives-mom type. She rarely cooks for me, prepare bekal nak bawak pergi sekolah, kemas bag etc etc

but she is simply my mom. i love her, despite her weaknesses I could love her with all my heart because no one is perfect pun kan. the most important thing, when I fall she will always be there to catch me.

right now, I feel like hugging her tight and tell her that i am sorry for being a stupid daughter and I really love her so much :(

tengok tu tudung hijau baju biru.

I think my mom is beautiful.

Just now I just wore a yellow pashmina, blue tunic, orange cardigan and a grey legging and a large amounts of grammar errors?

kalau tak tumpah ke nasi, mana lagi kuah nak tumpah. ok lupa peribahasa ni -___-

Ini Arli Hadi.

2011-06-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

I was nervous waiting for my result. OKAY BASICALLY EVERYONE PRETTY WELL KNOWS THIS ALREADY. ceh caps lock supaya hilangkan ngantuk +___+
and as usual, I did crazy things. I kinda tweeted @inianwarhadi.

and I waited and waited, okay mungkin dia ramai fans. Its okay lah, hopefully Allah answers my prayers still

and few minutes later

and I go crazy, like a happy monkey. hihi

KMB moments

2011-06-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

and so 6th July will come. To be honest, I am super scared with it. I think about it almost all the time. While working, tweeting, facebooking, eating, sleeping and all other verbs that exist in this world.

I need to write to calm myself and as usual, another letter to myself. hihi.

Dear Dekyang,

It is normal to feel nervous when you are anticipating your IB result. However if you cry straightaway whenever someone mentions about medic school or Australia then it is not normal anymore. You are in between becoming a loco and psychopath. You really want to be a doctor, you need a good rational mind remember?

Also, hopefully the cliche phrase of "asalkan dah buat yang terbaik" does calms your over-analysing brain.

You REALLY did your best already.

1. You wake up at 4 in the morning almost everyday. Sometimes earlier as 3.30am and you got the guts to take a cold morning shower. That was crazy. While taking the shower, some horror images came to my mind, I was thinking at that time, whether if a hantu came should I keep showering or run away. Thank god, Alhamdulilah I never get the chance to answer that question and I dont want to, at all.

and of course I would like to emphasize you did good things when you woke up at 4. You do some solat sunat, praying to Allah, asking for his help and also study.

*About the praying part, I wasn't proud of myself back then. I tried so hard to pray to Allah with pure sincerity. You know, not because of IB solely but because Allah deserves to be worshiped. Nevertheless, I failed. almost every time. Usually my doa will be "ya Allah please grant me 7 for maths, chemistry, english, malay, bio and business. Let my Tok and EE A ya Allah, grant me 45" instead of beri lah result yang terbaik buatku"

Its so difficult to do so, prolly after few heartbreaks because of my result, I guess I really want the best.

2. You STUDY most of the time too. You went against the norms. Usually in the evening, people will go out and play sports or do whatever they like to release their stress. On the other hand, I study in the evening. I think it worked for me, although some people said after asar your brain couldn't function well. :S

so this is my favourite study spot!

I know it looks like penagih dadah's spot but believe me, this is good!

see how I enjoy it.

sometimes I have ice-cream to keep me awake

most of the time, I have seed to keep me awake. hehe

one of many proofs that I was a geek. I kept renewing books. :) tak cukup, pinjam kad seed pulak.

and sometimes, I went solo for a little peace of mind. :)

3. Along the way You keep yourself motivated and keep moving

This is how I motivate myself. hehe

plus, I kept listening to fireworks by Katy Perry. Being in this "IB journey" felt like I was in a war.

____________________________

People that contributed and fought with me along this journey

1. Mak and abah.

I used to say that I want a husband who can love me like mak and abah do. I guess i was being too idealistic. I bet no one can do that because both of them are irreplaceable. Can you imagine for nearly two years my mak and abah came to KMB every week and sometimes they would come twice.

do my laundry. bring good foods. give me supports. give me huge amount of money to splurge when I was too mad and emotional and I need a retail therapy. they put up with all crazy shits that i've done. There were too many intense moments and I would say my parents are one of the reasons why I have the ability to go through those obstacles and self-created dramas during my IB years.

2. Teachers

(akan buat entry khas untuk teachers sahaja)

3. and all kmbians. :')

All I want to say is, I think I have done my best

Arlina, you have done your best. dah buat betul-betul. Tak percaya tanya seed :(

btw, seed is not my boyfriend. Ini adalah fakta yang jarang atau susah untuk orang nak percaya sebab I asik berkepit dengan dia je. Usually, kalau weekdays lepas habis kelas around 2-3pm mcm tu akan duduk lrc sampai 5pm. ada one time tu, lepas lrc, sambung dekat kelas, sampai lah nearly 7pm mcm tu. lepas tu malam, kalau period pergi lrc pukul 8.15pm, kalau tak pergi 9pm until 10.20pm macam tu, lepas tu pergi koop. semua dengan seed.

kalau weekend mesti dekat library dengan seed dari pagi sampai petang lepas tu dengan endless breakfast+lunch+dinner bersama. dengan seed call everyday suruh bangun pukul 4. eh rasa macam bercinta pulak dengan mamat ni +___+ but we are not.

he is my brother and we are cool like this. I love him a lot, but mcm syg abang lah. :)

the thought of making all the people that I love sad really hurts me.

Dear Allah. Please help me :( and all IBers in this whole world. Amin.

and last but not least

Serious Sandwich talks

2011-06-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, today I'm not going to complain about my work because "the yapper gang" (they yap a lot) were not there. It was fun working today.

anyway, I got a really interesting customer today. He looked so young, I would say around 19 where the truth is he is 30 already! He marries an Iranian woman and so his child is crazily adorable. I love mix babies! He is a chinese btw.

while making the sandwich, his kid told him something and he replied to him, "InsyaAllah you'll get it, if we have time and you behave properly, InsyaAllah, you'll get it"

While preparing the sandwich, I stop for milliseconds as I am a muslim and I rarely says InsyaAllah.

he is a muallaf and he says InsyaAllah. Somehow, it also reflects that he actually learns about Islam and you know, not only converting for the purpose of marriage.

I always wanted to marry a convert guy. :( (I've stated my reasons before) Hopefully, Allah will give me a husband that is nice and willingly to bring me together with him to heaven. :D

____________________

on another note, I met my senior KMB at O'briens woohoo, and also tapah, woohoo :D

____________

on another another note, I am really fat and I can eat a lot.

this is what I ate for today:

1. nasi with ayam sambal

2. laksa

3. one oreo doughnut from big apple

4. tomyam and nasi

5. sausage sandwich

6. egg mayo sandwich

banyak gilaaaaaaaaaaaa kan.

-__________________-

omg.

another mad post

2011-06-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

Im so emotional right now. Im so emotional. Cepatlaaah dapat gaji, cepaaatlah dpt gaji.

Okay, previously kan I memang dah emo gila kan dengan tempat kerja tu, hari ni, one of my favourite colleague kene marah and I feel so sad sangat. I rasa macam geraaaaaaaaaaaaam gilaa

okay MR L ni dia orang nepal, so memang standard lah dia punya english nor malay memang tak fasih kan. So dia lagi prefer untuk kerja dekat belakang. Dia masuk few days earlier than I did, so kitorang sama-sama baru. He is so rajin and dia buat kerja laju. dia selalu gila tolong I semua.

Tiba-tiba hari ni, ada dajal pergi cakap dekat supervisor yang dia asik duduk belakang je, tak nak pergi depan buat sandwich. MESTI LAH SUSAH NAK BUAT SANDWICH SBB KENE AMBIK ORDER SEMUA.

ok lah, maybe betul dia kene practice, tapi they should do it in a better way. ni asik nampak flaws dia je, kerja yang dia buat selama ni tak pernah pulak nampak. Lepas tu pergi pressure dia, I tension lah and sgt kesian. sebab i know how hard working he is. :(

lepas tu lepas dia pergi marah, si dajal tu pergi gelak. lepas tu kita emo kita cakap

"eh why you laugh, dont laugh at him, I like him, he is my friend" ambik kau, dengan slang manglish tak pasal-pasal orang tu kene marah.

lepas tu dajal tu cakap, I want to teach him, why you ask me like that

lepas tu kita cakap, if you want to teach him, teach lah, there's no need to laugh

lepas tu dia bebel apa tah.

memang stressful.

hari ni before kita kerja, dia dah macam ada niat dalam hati. kalau hari ni sucks jugak, memang dapat gaji, nak berhenti, so i think the sign is clearly shown. :) i nak berhenti

cuma I like my friends dekat sini. I like olyn, wan, awe, macha and mira. :) we'll see how.

hmm

Post mengada, mungkin tak payah baca.

2011-06-23T00:59:00.000-07:00

Kalau tak nak kasi, orang baca kenapa post?

sebab aku nak ingatkan diri sendiri, yang aku ni gedik gila. -_______-

I rasa I ni sangat gedik. Sangat manja, sangat choosy. sangat tak boleh decide. sangat gedik gedik gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

okay cerita dia macam ni.

Semalam bos besar O'briens datang, owner kedai tu lah basically. Lepas tu dia tengok cara I buat kerja. lepas tu dia cakap I ni lembab. I memang lembab pun sebenarnya. Sebab sumpah sebelum ni memang jarang kupas telur -____-.

kalau nak tahu, kali pertama I kupas bawang, potong sayur semua, dekat o'briens lah. I memang tak pernah masuk dapur dekat rumah selain masak maggi, goreng telur dan juga ambik makanan dalam peti ais, atau apa-apa lah

I ni memang manja gila senang cakap. kadang-kadang tu, kalau rasa nak basuh pinggan, mak kata tak payah sebab takut nanti tangan kasar. BOLEH TAK DAPAT MAK MACAM TU.

so berbalik semula dengan semalam. dah la, I punya traumatized dgn interview tak habis lagi, bla bla bla.

I lagi sikit nak berdrama nak buat, "fine if you think im so slow, let me just quit. you'll be happy, i'll be happy. bla bla bla."

tapi tak sampai hati sebab dia dah tua. :( So hari ni kita tak pergi kerja sebab nak pergi IDP subang, bincang pasal IELTS yang tak berkesudahan. -_________________-

tapi karang, kalau kita tak kerja kita pulak boring. macam hari tu, susah sgt nak dpt kerja, asik membebel je. i dont know lah.

today is one of the day, i really dont know what i want in my life. I simply dont know. so yeah. good bye -_________-

Newcastle, can I win their hearts?

2011-06-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

because I couldnt put my mind at the right place (eg: in my head instead of bilik mawar in KMB) I need to blog this down. with hope, my what-ifs all will go away. :)

So, Newcastle interview is a lil bit different from other universities of other countries (I think, because some of other universities in Australia adopt the same method too) They call it MMI and I believe it stands for multiple mini interview

but we only had 2 stations, so it was not that tiring. (yea right) and also a pqa test. we were divided into groups, I was in the blue group :D

before the interview sessions started, we had a brief explanation about Newcastle. They (the interviewers) were uber friendly and lovely.

Being in a blue group, I had to go for PQA test first. PQA is divided into 3 parts. The first part was for assessing our IQ. they have mind boggling questions i feel like smashing the computer. But to be honest, it wasn't as horrible as ISAT. ISAT was waaaaaaaaaaaaay to mean. anyway, as we were answering the question, KMB's server got down and we were told to wait outside. After few minutes waiting, finally they decided to postpone our test.

Then, the interview part came. As that was my first time interview, (yes, that was my first interview after mock interview because I am originally an australian bounded student) so I was awfully nervous. I went to toilet 3 times before the interview session started.

Being the third blue, I got the chance to know what kind of questions do they asked. but it doesnt really help because in the room I kinda blurted what came to my mind at that time.

In the first session, he pretty much asked all medical related questions. in fact, it was all medical related questions.

The second session about decision making.

Imagine someone asks you, If you are about to make a decision, how would you do it? Without being given any scenario or example, as a general, how would you do it.

This part, I think I should have answer it in a better way, btw nvm -____-

and, I was given a chance to ask a question and I think I kinda asked a stupid question

"I was browsing through Newcastle's website and I saw in Callaghan campus, it has a Kangaroo crossing sign, so do you really have kangaroo walking around the campus?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. yes, you can laugh your ass off. -___-

Actually, there were 2 person in the room. One who asked questions (the interviewer) and the other did the assessing ( I think) so the latter should be quite and observe. When I asked that question, the latter was having a good laugh and she did talk about kangaroo at Newcastle, but I couldn't focus and so I was not sure what was she trying to say, because I think its a bit funny to ask about the kangaroo.

anyhow, I just blurted out because I don't want to go out before 8 minutes end. that was how I end the last 30 seconds of my interview.

Hopefully my humour blow them away. :|

and then, we have to wait for our PQA session again. To kill the time, I met few teachers, couldn't meet all :( because they have something at the hall.

The second part of PQA was so -_____________________________________-. I just dont want to share it.

I dont know about others, but the next question keeps contradicting the previous one. So you have to pick your answer carefully. :| (prolly I'll do it in the next post, explaining it with more details)

and so, I dont know whether I can make it or not.

So, I'm writing a letter to myself.

Arlina, remember your Individual english oral? You have planned few sentences beforehand to say it during your IOP. You've written in on a paper so that you will say it.

In the end, you did not say it. :| I feel so sedih and such a loser for not including those :(

(instead I gave it to Dara and turned out I used the idioms wrongly and dara got the blame. :( sampai hari ni rasa bersalah. Sorry dara sorry. )

So, maybe what you think, is the best, its not the best at all. Instead of giving what you want to say, Allah gave you what you should say during the interview. Allah always knows better kan.

So yeah, I'm letting this go. Kalau tak boleh gila tau, setiap saat terbayang muka mat salleh tu tanya soalan. -_____-

also, during my individual oral, I accidentally created a joke with miss syik.

Do you have pet

pet? what kind of pet?

any pet?

erm ipad?

noo, pet

oh! p-e-t pet

yeah.

and kangaroo jokes. :(.

how similar isn't?

Hopefully I'll get a place. I'll get a place.

Pray for me yeah?

newcastle for the win.

2011-06-18T17:34:00.000-07:00

and so tomorrow I'll be having my interview. Its a multiple mini interview, which will be quite cool since not many have the opportunity to go through interview like this. :D Basically the interview has few stations, to reduce the bias of interviewers. and we have pqa as well, not sure whether its something like Adelaide has been doing.

Yesterday I worked till 5.30 and spend some time reading about ethics at O'briens. It really brought old memories. Previously, when I worked at Yellow cab, I spent few hours too working out for Mara interview. hehe. it felt so dejavu-ish.

So, pray for me. Hopefully I'll get a place. Well if I don't, maybe Allah knows best kan. :(

Benda ni memang menakutkan.

Hi, I'm doctor Arli :)

2011-06-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

or doctor Arlina suits me well?

nevertheless, I was complaining about my work at O'briens. Till I realize being a doctor is much much worst.

As I was preparing for my medical school interview next week, I read few blogs belong to doctors for me to get more insight in doctors' lives.

blog like this --> click here freaks me out big time. Imagine having to work for 36 hours. And the government actually asks why Malaysian don't come back?

omg. I wonder do I still have time to meet my husband. =D okay scratch that.

anyway of all his posts, I like this one best

Choose medicine.

Choose nights, choose PRs and scrotal exams, choose being bleeped when you’re taking a shit, choose bare below the elbows, choose and book, choose being so hungry you enjoy hospital food, choose never seeing your friends again, choose not washing your hands for a change, choose dehydration, a f***ing big cannula, Quality Street over Roses, MRSA, choose scrubs (watching it or wearing them). Choose cyclizine the morning after the mess party, choose Adele the Australian physio, choose sitting in the mess watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing junk food into your mouth praying that you’re bleep won’t go off. Choose MI over PE because someone’s got to make a diagnosis. Choose bd, tds, qds, those f***ing T’s with the dots on them.

Don’t choose life, choose medicine.

(for the medical students)

I mean wow. Dont get me started on how hard I have worked since I was fifteen.

but still, medicine caught my heart and attention. It's like falling in love with a bad guy, but you dont mind. You just want to be with him although he whips you all the time. ;)

Okay, wish me luck wish me luck :D

Working at O'briens

2011-06-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

I did tell y'all that I'm going to talk about my work. Today I did not go to work because I was sick. The end.

okay, here we go.

this is exactly where I work

I kinda stole this from some website. This is O'briens at Empire, Subang.

this is the sandwich bar. My uniform looks exactly like that.

I got 3 shifts morning, middle and closing. So far, I've go through all. I have to say my favourite shift is closing.

1. I can wake up so late

2. I do more preparations rather than sandwich making

3. I get to avoid lunch hour

Lunch hour is pain in the ass.

Imagine this. You have another 5 sandwiches to make, and customers are coming, and you have to entertain them and you have to remember the exact things that they want, like on white bread or wholemeal, toasted or fresh, having here or take away, the 3 veges that they want, what sauce, want to add cheese or not, and what cheese do they want, mozzarella, cheddar or swiss. :O

yeah. I hate lunch hour.

They have cctv as well, so the owner of the outlet could check what the hell are we doing.

to be honest it sucks. I think their rate of turnover is quite high because they actually introducing a commission scheme to us- workers if we suggest a friend to work at O'briens. But its not their fault anyway, I think this is a problem for all f&b outlets. Come on, someone should really come up with something.

At O'briens they dont practice specialization which means all of us need to know almost everything. previously at yellow cab I was the cashier, so I would just focus on my work, and the kitchen people do what they do, and the riders do what they are supposed to do. At O'briens I have to do the kitchen works, making sandwiches and most probably I would do the drink as well (i have not learn this part carefully) and also becoming the cashier.

Overall, its tiring. Today I did not go to work because I was sick, physically and emotionally. hmm.

I'm thinking of quitting around august. I don't know lah. Previously at Yellow Cab I have sofia, nazrin, saufi and pg to have fun. Practically going to work is like having fun and hanging out with them. When we are having our off day, we actually go to yellow cab to spend our time there. SERIOUSLY, because Yellow Cab was just truly awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Probably because I'm still new, around 2 weeks. I made friends already and we have fun, but I dont know lah

I mean working at O'briens is not that bad, there are bunch of funny guys as well. Prolly the workloads. Prolly the environment. I dont know I dont know.

Maybe, just maybe I just couldn't stand when people keep saying "buat elok-elok, nanti brian nampak dekat cctv, buat elok elok. etc etc."

I mean, really people. REALLY?

okay lah, maybe because I'm too manja. I don't like people to boss me around. It's so annoying, and this reminds me of leadership skills I learnt in business. Yes, autocratic leader do jiggles away your motivation but I know they did that to ensure the quality of their food is sustainable and to give the best to customers. So yeah, thats why.

Okay enough of ramblings and complaining.

SEE PEOPLE, WHAT I HAVE TO GO THROUGH TO GIVE YOU THE BEST SANDWICH. omg. but sometimes I think its okay when I have lovely customers.

like the other day, there's this auntie called me Arlina (because we have name tag) She simply said, "Arlina is it okay for you to do me a sandwich with egg mayo and anything you think its good to go with it"

After that, she said, thank you for the great sandwich, it is really good and tasty. :)

and then an Arab guy who speaks Malay fluently and the next thing, he was telling me his family tree.

or a regular customer that smiles at me while I lap his meja

Customers like those make me want to stay and they give me happiness. A simple gesture like thank you and a smile would really made my day.

anyway I'm planning to travel all around Malaysia. I need a partner. :(

confuse girl

2011-06-09T10:48:00.000-07:00

Of working

Working is okay. Only okay (okay update pasal kerja later)

______________________________

I am such a confuse girl. At this moment, I am loosing my rationality in making decision. I seriously don't know what I want.

exhibit A

Me: mak and abah, I really need to work, I want to buy stuff, I need to get out from this house! (because currently my neighbour is happily doing a renovation session that starts at 8, every single day, I don't need alarm clock fyi)

and when I start working

Me: mak and abah, I need money because I don't want to work anymore. It's so tiring! my hands are dirty, I need to mop around, I need to be told what to do everyday :(

okay, of course the latter part I did not say it out loud. I am trying my best not to be a burden to my parents. hmmph.

and now, comes the yuckiest part of all. About a guy.

Okay I don't really know what are we actually. or what we were before. I would say it was the most weirdest relationship I ever had. I don't even know whether it was a relationship ke tak.

I feel like writing a letter to that guy :), tak pe yang tak faham, buat-buat je tak faham. memang ditulis untuk buat orang tak faham pun.

Dear Mr R.

To be honest, I am super confuse. I am confuse with myself, my decision, my future. I was almost this close (buat gaya ibu jari dan jari teluntuk hampir bertemu) in giving you a second chance you know. After talking for hours and your endless -and finally long messages- I guess somehow a tiny part of my heart kinda melt away. I mean come on, I am a person who is easily melts away with words. when you manage to put your words accordingly and play around with it, it is not that hard to conquer my heart. Except I would say, my decision making is usually based on my brain. (gila menipu ni)

Sometimes I think it will be so fun being in a proper relationship with you. I really want to feel what is it like to be in the cockpit, Learning a lil bit information from your aviation field. Being annoyed with you almost every second but somehow enjoying it a bit because I know I got all your attention. Reading your messages saying that I'm precious like oyster. You keep saying that you love and like me, although you confessed its hard for you to convey your feelings. you calling me cik satay. =_=

tapi I'm so afraid with the past and also future. I don't want what had happened before happened again. Call me loser or anything, I did go through our old facebook messages, I was truly heart broken back then. I don't want you to break my heart over and over again. I know my heart has been broken for so many times, but I will always ensure it is not broken by the same guy.

and as for the future. its fill with uncertainties.

macam mana kalau I tak dapat fly. I tak tahu I boleh berhadapan dengan you lagi ke tak. Macam all these while I've been using this reason for us not being together.

I really want to go to Australia and proceed with my degree. After that I really want to go to US, for post graduate study and I memang terfikir how on earth are we going to proceed with this relationship.

I know I'm still young, go with the flow je lah. memang lah, but I think at this age, I really want a guy yang boleh buat husband punya type.

I am always moody, I need someone who can console my emotion when my sanity is wearing off. I always have issue with my self, so I kinda need someone to keep reminding me how awesome I am. I know I need to change this habit and behaviour by myself rather than hoping for someone would do it for me, but tu lah. I ni pandang ke hadapan sangat.

So today, when I guess you kinda give up on me. You told me that you finally realised that we are not meant to be together. so this is it lah kan. rasa sedih pulak sebenarnya. to be honest, i feel sad.

sebab i tak tau lah sebab apa, most of it would be, I will kinda lost my number one fan. and also my only fan. I have to agree though, mungkin betul susah nak carik a guy who likes me for who I am. but just now when we were on the phone, I masih lagi rasa yang you are not for me.

I nak sgt lelaki yang a good listener. tapi mesti lah tak wujud kan. tu lah, I'm such an idealistic person when it comes to this. macam tak sedar diri je yang awak tu tak perfect jugak. I don't know, I don't know. I really dont know.

I guess you whatsapping me would really end all of this eh. but if it brings us to a new friendship it would be good jugak kot.

So yeah, this is it. Maka dengan ini akhirnya berakhirnya perhubungan yang tak pasti kesahihan hubungan tersebut yang telah berlangsung selama setahun 4 bulan. gila. -___-

I will start working today ?

2011-06-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

So yeah, I will work as a service crew and I don't know what will I do yet. Probably making sandwiches

like this?

Right. I'm so nervous. I hope they won't fire me at all. :| cross fingers!

Twitter craze

2011-05-31T11:07:00.001-07:00

And so, I love tweet random stuff

lepas tu bahagia gila bila anwar ibrahim reply my tweet. dia rasa excited sgt, like omg macam tu.

=D

Najib used to reply mine as well. I feel so elated! hihi ok bye

Happi Arli

2011-05-30T13:35:00.000-07:00

so yeah, since there are so many things going around in my mind, I shall write it down, but I don't want to lose my followers here at bottle of hopes because of excessive ramblings,

so yeah

www.happiarli.blogspot.com

i mean, I'll be here still, talking about, less boring stuff. Happi Arli is more like a self centered blog. hihi

Challenges In June

2011-05-30T00:25:00.000-07:00

CIJ moments.

who cares again, this is my freaking blog. I'll write what I like =D

Since, June is going to greet us, in another 2 days, I am going to put myself under pressure (or maybe some fun) in becoming a better person, and I shall follow these six rules, without fail.

1. My prayers

Okay I know, I am almost 20 years old, I am joining usrah and all. But they are times, where I don't feel like solat-ing. I just feel tired, and I just don't know why I have to solat. Yes, again I am being honest here, with hope that I'll be able to help those denial kids of my age, to agree that yes, I dont really like to solat, and I need to find the reason why, so that in future, I'll be able to perform better prayers for Allah, and be a better servant.

so, I can only miss 6 times of prayers, in this month.

I know, the kmb-ians most likely will gasp or probably die in disbelieve, that Arlina Arshad is actually planning to tinggalkan solat.

chill. At times, you will tertinggal solat (eg: subuh) and being in an atmosphere that does not really help you to solat, shits happen. But, of course I will try my best, to not tinggalkan any solat at all. Okay, so dont worry. This is one of my baby steps in becoming a better muslim.

:S everybody stay chill, and dont be so traumatized, I will try my best untuk penuhkan solat okay.

2. read at least 6 pages of Quran every week, with the tafsiran as well.

3. Only six meals of fast foods or heavy carbs per month. so, I need to get my food diary, ON again.

4. 6 minutes of walked around everyday. Yes, everyday, sebab tu, its only 6 minutes. baby steps are so cool, it lasts longer. so yeah. I'm creating tempo to persistent-cy so yeah.

5. No spending for clothes and handbags or any girlish desire. =S

6. Can only yell at mak and abah 6 times per month.

=_=, lazy to explain further.

and let see whether, I will succeed or not, my Challenges In June moments.

Finding Arlina Binti Arshad

2011-05-29T03:47:00.000-07:00

Before leaving KMB, I promised myself one thing. One important thing, that shall be a fundamental to a great personality and character building.

To Love Myself, for who I am.

While at BTN, it gave me a lot of elements for me to ponder upon. While waiting for the morning assembly, the "naqibahs" gathered around and recite mathurat together. Of course, not only during those times but almost all the time. their lips never got tired of praying and praising Allah and also Nabi Muhammad S.a.w. Religion, or Islam to be precise, has become their priority.

Then, as for the facilitators, they seem to be so devoted to our country. I have this feeling where they know federal constitution by heart. Malaysia, or Malay has become their priority.

To be honest, I never make anything apart from my study as priority.

Allah has become a source for help. I'm being brutally honest here. Allah, is a god, that I go to when I need help. I mean, come on, we all have this hypocrite mask on.

When exam is around the corner, when result is around the corner, I'll be crying, begging Allah for a better future. When my prayers were and still answered, I looked and walked away.

Malaysia, is another story, let alone all the malays.

Basically, I got 8 months to at least be a better person, before I fly to Australia (and that is with the will of Allah)

I dont want to look for Allah only when its raining. I dont want to devote myself to my race, and also my country just because some btn peeps asked me to do it. I want to create changes that last, with solid reasons and also good objectives and aims.

I want to be a better person, tapi sangat susahkan. I keep telling my heart, ya Allah, I will go to you, tapi bila? it hurts actually. to see them, always one step closer in changing the world and help others. when can i do those? for time being, i have to say that i need to focus on my relationship with Allah. Tapi susah sangat. not to mention result will be out in July, then half of my heart would say that I am devoting myself to Allah because I need a good result.

Hopefully I'll become a better person. and also not to mention my thighs are getting bigger, and its worrying me to death. So yeah, I'll be running 20 minutes everyday now. :|

Hopefully i got myself a work at an Ice-cream shop tonight and get my live sort out carefully. creating new tempo so that I'll be the best melody that I want to be.

of leaving my past and creating future

2011-05-22T00:36:00.000-07:00

I think this post is going to be long. but who cares, I'm the only loyal reader of my own blog. =D

and so, another important event in my life has ended. Leaving KMB was really hard for me. I was the first girl to hand the key to the warden, or maybe I was the first girl to pay 10 ringgit because i lost the key.

I started crying when i hugged az.

my classmates, M09N

we had our ups and downs. I think all class had it. we created dramas, memories and so many things in between. I called my class STF (sekolah tun fatimah) or SSP (sekolah seri puteri) (those two are all-girls boarding schools) because in M09N there were 13 girls and 4 boys. During class activities, I would say the girls dominated almost everything. I was even the class rep. They taught me a lot of things. They taught me sometimes forgiveness is the cure to conflicts.

we had our biggest fight during end of sem 2. To make it worst, it was me against the whole class. Classic dejavu. (i used to be in the same situation when I was form 4) Of course at that time, I thought I was on the right team. I was the miss goody two shoes who got stuck in that horrible scene.

When I was 16, i ran. I changed MRSM. YES, I WAS THAT COWARD AND THAT WAS THE REAL REASON WHY I CHANGED MRSM.

but at KMB, Allah gave me the courage to confront them, to actually say sorry and mean it, to actually realize different waves do interfere but they do not always lead to destructions. Then everything went back to normal, no, everything became even better.

we got closer to each other. we had our usrah together, we had dinner together, we played twister, we played truth or dare while studying for chemistry, we had done so many things together.

we cherished every seconds together. I learned to watch AF as in akademi fantasia =__= and actually enjoyed maharaja lawak with them. memang loser habis, I know but with them I can be myself.

I can tell them so many things and they still accept me for who I am.

M09N. We might be so invisible compared to other class, but we are always special in our own way.

I think around June-July I'll be updating so many things about KMB. I don't really care if people don't like it, but these memories have to be written down before I forget em. :)

last night in KMB

2011-05-20T11:13:00.001-07:00

Here I am, typing this with Jiji's laptop.

last night. in kmb. i am fucking sad. this is so sad sangat

Keep walking.

2011-05-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

my initial intention was to research on James Cook, to finish up my application. sigh.

I would say I am not in a good condition. My emotions were mixed and being mold into something bad. Into a shape that one could not comprehend.

I just don't get it when people keep saying exam was easy.

I couldn't see, it is THAT easy.

Nevertheless, sigh.

A letter, for Arlina.

Dear Arlina,

One word, five letters that is powerful. FIGHT. be a fighter. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT.

FIGHT THAT STUPID ASSUMPTIONS

FIGHT THAT FUNNY LITTLE FEELINGS

FIGHT THAT LAZINESS

FIGHT. FIGHT.

THIS ARLI, ONLY COMES ONCE IN A LIFETIME. ONCE. ONCE. ONCE.ONCE.

Arlina, remember how bad you wanted to be a doctor? You remember you bought that yellow book when you were twelve. You created a wish-list of what you want to be when you grow up.

Upsr- 5a. blanked

boarding school. blanked

PMR-8a. blanked

Boarding school (mrsm). the first ticked =)

Kolej mara banting. is ticking

United Kingdom. ditched

and i crossed it out. I changed it to Australia. Ya Allah, let me tick this one. let me tick this one.

Dear Allah, if its not for me, let it be for my parents ya Allah. They came to KMB every single week ya Allah. They handled from my laundry to my EE. They coped well when i went ballistic because of IB. Both of them prayed so bad for me. Abah, he is old ya Allah. He is almost 60. he prayed for me every single day. He drove for me so many times. he sacrificed for me so many times.

As for mak, ya Allah. You know what she had to go through kan. ya Allah, semua anak-anak mak ni dengan abah, kerja asik menyusahkan diorang je. ya Allah, tolong la ya Allah. i want both of them to be happy.

mungkin definition happy tu sangat luas. mungkin ultimate happiness is bila mereka dapat masuk syurga kan. i should work hard for that, and also this exam.

3 subjects are done. I paper for malay. then bio and business.

when i browse through my previous posts, I feel this funny feeling when I read whatever about UK.

especially when one of my friend said to me. "I'm sorry Arlina, but she's living your dream. All those fantasies you once created is hers now"

wow. did not see that coming.

But really, i moved on from UK and i really want western sydney. it is just that, i am reminded that my dream that i built so long, is broken.

but thats make a good reaction kan.

bond broken, bond formation.

I was quite disappointed with my english paper, for a few seconds, i decided not to write anymore. but, if you study because of the knowledge. you'll keep writing kan.

addicted to you

2011-05-06T02:40:00.000-07:00

Wherever you might be, in this world

6th May 2011

Dear Rick,

Hey Rick, it's been a while since i wrote anything to you. Clearly it is true, that distance does separates people. Only strong, tough friendship lasts. First of all, I would like to apologize for my sudden decision to disappear or vanish like a popped bubble in the air. Although it may seems that I was departing from your life, however, the truth is I wasn't. I- being a great stalker and thanks to Facebook - am fully updated with all sorts of news that are related to you. Congratulations for being brave enough to proceed with your second degree, and now both of us could boast about our second degree together when we meet up, but only if i have the strength to collect my courage and meet you. Hopefully this letter would do a great job in clarifying the reason why i decided to walk away from your life.

I was in love with you. Yes, you may read that again, or let me write it again for you. I was in love with you. A day with an old stranger, a lady of the age around 80s to be precise, was a sign for me to take the detour in our friendship. While waiting for bus, which turned out to be 30 minutes late was the best silver lining that I received from the cloud. She gave me an advice, "true love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you" Then the memories of you and I, while watching the movie entitled "cinta" intruded my mind vividly. There was a line from that movie "a little girl taught me, love means letting go" slapped me hard and bring me back to reality. that particular moment, I thought God was hinting me by showering me with signs and I reluctantly picked bricks of ego and build a barrier between you and me.

It is impossible not to fall in love with you when I was with you, as you were the drug that I was addicted to and still am. You are a special drug that couldn't be found elsewhere. You could be functioning as analgesic; getting rid of all my pains, by interfering with all my problems. Either you fixed it or taught me to let it go, surely all those procedures mended all those pains. You were also my antivirals and anti bacteria; fight those who have intention in hurting me. Also a stimulant when I was down and depressant when time is ticking faster than it should. Most important of all, you were my mind altering drug that allow me to hallucinate and have an escaped from reality. Slowly, without realizing it, i was developing tolerance and dependence. Therefore, I am taking this route in facing the withdrawal syndrome, so that one day I could live healthily without needing you as a drug.

Regardless so, I really love our friendship and would like to save it. Hence, explaining it once again why I decided to leave you. "True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." This quote by George Washington kind of sums up our friendship. It may seems that our ship almost capsized, but don't worry captain I'm back on track. Furthermore, I could assure you that I'll be loyal to you as a friend.

On 15th July 2011, right when the clock strikes at 2 pm, I'll be waiting at coffee bean Taipan, with two vanilla latte, like old days. come, only if you want to save this friendship. If you decided not turn up, I would comprehend why and I don't need the explanation. Having all those memories are good enough to make me happy throughout my whole life.

love, Arli.

Okay, I kinda write this to practice my writing skill for my english paper. Apparently, macam tersekat-sekat walaupun macam simple topic aje ni.

Dear God, hopefully there is a question that I can do. like REALLY CAN DO. please ya Allah. I don't like facts, I don't like debate, arguments, proposal, i don't like.

I just want to write letters or emails please. :(

reaching the end

2011-04-30T23:26:00.003-07:00

today is 1st may, and 2 days to my first paper.

this war, is one step further, to achieving my childhood dream. As I'm writing this entry, my background music is You raise me up by Josh Groban. The same song i listened to 5 years ago. I could vividly recall the moment i sent my brother's ex-girlfriend to ireland, at KLIA 5 years back. when i was form 3; crowded with happy faces, nervous fidgeting legs, and students with similar black blazer. When the goodbye part came, the moment they go down the escalator, a proud father initiated a clap. the next thing you know, there were a standing ovation for their love ones, for the hardworking students who deserve to fly and pursue their ultimate dreams. of course, being me, i couldn't control my emotion and i cried. It must feel so good, to actually get what you want after all those hardworks. From that very moment, i knew what i need and want.

---------

I remember coming to kmb when I was standard 3. running around and actually admiring the ko-op for selling myriad of junk foods. (ok mmg dari kecik suka makan)

I miss receiving parcels from UK, which was from my brother. replying his emails, asking him whether do UK's strawberries are nice like in Cameron Highlands and other stupid questions.

i miss visiting him every year and building the hope that i am going to end up like him too.

-----------------

I remember coming to kmb when i was form 2, being scolded by my father for wearing short pants and actually have the gut to walk by the surau to look for my brother.

The other brother of mine did not have the same route. He went to India. At that time, i couldn't comprehend the hardships of IB and never bother to ask his condition.

---------------

Dear God, another 20 days and i will leave KMB for good. the Arshad's generation has ended. You know Allah, giving me such a bad result in the early year was a good thing for me. Dekwi never talked to me about his personal stuff. he never actually revealed his IB result pun kat sesiapa. but when he knows what i am going through, he opened up. he gives me good advices and that was a pure miracle. Growing up with him, i never actually close to him, like this. like now.

but then, in the end, you have helped me a lot. thank you Ya Allah. Thank you so much.

Dear Allah, as the last generation of Arshad legacy, in KMB please ya Allah, let me leave a good memory for others an myself.

If, by getting 45, i will become a better person and able to inspire others, let me Ya Allah, if it doesn't then You'll know better.

Bismillahirahmanirahim. Ya Allah, aid me in this war with your rahmat and bless. Amin.

ini buih aku

2011-04-26T04:01:00.001-07:00

aku suka menghantar diri aku ke sisi yang paling memalukan. lebih bagus kalau berdampingan dengan tawa yang menghina. benar, tiada siapa pun yang ketawa kata mereka, namun bisikan yang datang berkali-kali ini tidak mungkin aku abaikan. aku lebih percaya naluri hati ini

aku tinggal di dalam buih. buih yang amat bagus juzuknya. diperbuat daripada material yang hanya boleh dibeli dari gudang harapan, bersebelahan dengan gudang kekecewaan kalau kau mahu aku juga merasakan buih ini

buih aku ini kalis kebenaran. segalanya indah di dalam. segalanya indah di dalam. segalanya indah di dalam. Pereka buih aku bernama encik Syaitan yang sentiasa menjanjikan kebahagian, menhidangkan impian kosong dan juga janji yang memakan diri

aku suka buih ini. dalam buih ini, aku mampu miliki segala. bukan sahaja wang, harta, dan segala harta dunia, aku juga mampu miliki cinta. aku juga mampu miliki cinta. aku juga mampu miliki cinta.

Cinta asalnya perkara yang menyakitkan, kini menjadi indah. bisik sahaja nama kekasih, terus dia menjadi milik aku. cinta, yang orang di luar sana menjadi gila mencari cinta, aku mampu peroleh. dalam buih ini. dalam buih ini. dalam buih ini. aku peroleh cinta

Meskipun aku berakalkan kebodohan, aku masih lagi punya akal yang mampu singkirkan kebodohan itu, dengan menggunakan akal yang sudah ditapis kebodohannya

aku akan keluar dari buih ini. hadapi dunia luar. biar pahit, biar sakit, biar perit tapi realistik. biar aku rasakan sakit yang begitu sakit tapi aku akan pulih yang akhirnya pulih bagai tiada pernah miliki sakit.

tapi sebelum itu, biar aku sebentar dalam buih ini. dengan harapan, sebelum syaitan sempat menjamah rohani aku, aku mampu pecahkan buih ini.

mock exam

2011-04-18T03:31:00.000-07:00

generalization doesn't equal to infinity. nothing generalize forever. :)

before this, my mock UPSR, PMR and also SPM would produce the same result, so yeaaaah, i'm having my IB mock exam now. yes, NOW.

*waiting jiji to come, so i took few minutes to update my blog. ;)

anyway, business was difficult for me, i don't know about others. they keep smiling and smiling. yeah. and only one week left to IB exam.

one important lesson learnt, hard works without Allah's bless is nothing. I woke up at 2.30 and started studying. it feels like, tak berbaloi, and this is the reason you have to study because of Allah, at least you know you'll get His keberkatan and pahala. I hope I'll be more balance next time. till then, do pray for me okaaaay ;)

love, i long for you

but why my heart is still here?

unwanted, worthless!

_______________________

she is confused

2011-04-12T04:27:00.001-07:00

along the path, she walks alone
she knows you are at the end of the path
waiting for her, with rewards and also torture
she can choose, but she needs time and also courage.
to be honest, you are around her, every time, every second
distracted she is, distracted she is

she wants love. she doesn't know how to choose
all sorts of love.
clarity, sincererity, validity are all infinity
couldn't be explained.
she's so stupid
she needs help.

If only you could be vanished
and be replaced with You
she will be favoured

if only you could return what is not yours
and it is safely in her heart
she will be favoured.

Dear you,
take her back. take her back
pop her bubbles
make her stronger
because she, needs you.

I really want it :(

2011-04-08T05:57:00.001-07:00

ya Allah, I really want to go to that University. Even my ISAT registration was not smooth. I think i just lost myself 24 hours for handling the ISAT thingie and the U that I wan't does not require ISAT pun. dia nak UMAT. Tapi kene buat back up. and also ada chance yang Mara tak nak hantar, so i need a really high points untuk convince kan mara yang I will be chosen to go to that U. :(

I'm so sad ya Allah. I'm so tired. kadang-kadang rasa macam tak belajar apa je. Tolong aku ya Allah. :(

Please ya Allah. I want that U.

To Allah I submit myself.

2011-04-06T02:09:00.000-07:00

sekarang ni, itu lah macam mantra kehidupan. To Allah I submit myself. If I keep repeating it, saying it over and over again. I find tranquility engulfs me. okay macam bio.

Ya Allah, kita penat, tapi kita masih lagi nak go on please :)

dear Allah

2011-03-25T09:36:00.001-07:00

thank you for giving me awesome classmates.

weekly, during friday, at 10 pm we would have our 'class' usrah at the surau. this week, meera emphasize again about Your power over us.

Dear Allah,
despite you have the ability to do anything on us. You can burn me right away, when i purposedly pulled the blanket during subuh. You can tear me up when i decided to ditch my zuhur and asar while i go shopping or hanging out, or even studying. You can take away your hidayah given to me when i enjoyed watching movies during maghrib. and last but not least, you could take my breath away in my sleep when i say good night without saying my prayers to you.

But no, you did not do that. You grant me another day, for me to change. Did I used it wisely? NO! But you gave me days and days. knock this oblivious heart, again and again. I was too egoistic to answer your call ya Allah.

Ya Allah, I have no idea what you have written for me in luh mahfuz. Sometimes i forget ya Allah. You are the most knowledgable. the exalted. You know everything. How could I know my future better? I always afraid that you are going to fail me, to test me, again and again and again.

I'm sorry ya Allah. I'm so sorry. How could I know better? I know you have written the best! and whatever happens is the best for me!

Dear Allah, as each second given to me. I will try my best to use it wisely. I just want you to hold me tight in any situation. Please don't leave me ya Allah. I will strive the best, to achieve the qadar that you had written to me.

before tomorrow comes

2011-03-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

okay, this is the thing when you study for the sake of studying. You end up not studying. Since my KMB friends have updated their blog about going back, i shall not do the same. Saturated Market, might lost some followers. (bajet blog macam business jap)

So yeah, I'm going to do another crazy thing, before i have a good, deep sleep on my OWN QUEEN SIZE BED. =)

Yesterday, while I was sleeping someone sent me a lett-ah (letter) via the cool time machine. Guess who is it from? Arlina from 2030? er, almost there,

Yes you got that right =D the letter is from Mr Arlina =), whom name cant be told. Let just call him Mr A.

Dear Arlina in 2011,

I don't know whether it's okay to flirt with you right now. you might be freaking out. logically, i am 39 years old now, I dont want to be accused of being a pedophile, but I can't help to notice your beauty. (okay fine, you can click the button X now) and that beauty stays till now. ;) and if you can, please convince arlina from 2030 to not cut her hair. I like it long =D

Anyway, Arlina from 2030 told me that you are not working hard enough for IB exam. Why is that so arli? You know pineapple, if you do not work hard- so hard that there is nothing harder than your hard work :| you will not be seeing me!

I could not say anything further, and also using nick names to address the younger version of li (what I call you now in 2030) is weird. I don't want to sleep outside tonight for being accused of falling in love with a younger girl, although that was her, 20 years back. okay i'm confused. LI ALWAYS MAKES ME LIKE THIS!.

moving on. Here, i let you read my diary. stop laughing.

1 April 2012

9.00 PM

Dear Diary,

I can't believe tom read my diary yesterday. damn it, I should have known. It's okay, although he called me a chook (chicken-Aussie slang) for porky-ing (lying) to people about my secret. It wasn't a secret btw, I just don't like to share it. I mean, i bet everyone hates cockroaches right?

Screw Tom. Bollocks.

Anyway I met a girl today at rocco's (the cafe that I used to work part time), wait, i actually saw her, not met. because met would be like talking, right?

tomorrow, I'm going to approach her

5 April 2012

after few attempts, I did talk to her. As for today I said, "Welcome to Rocco's" and also "here's your tissue miss".

I call her miss, it's a sign!. She's going to be my miss. wait, why am I writing like this? Am I turning gay or what. damn. is it true when you fall in love, your X chromosome tend to express more than usual, making me like a girl, writing like this? God Damn it.

23 April 2012

we have become friends now. wow. we talked. like real conversation. okay, we did talk-about pizza. She said she was a cashier at this pizza place, and i said wow we have a lot of common, and she asked, how is that so? then i told her, I'm a barista, in an italian cafe, and pizza is also an italian food.

then she said, well it is, but at my place, it was more like fast food that has been asian-ized. with a smirk.

Is she giving me hint that we would never be together? by saying we have no similar interest. oh god, its true isn't? my X chromosome is expressing ? that i finally write like a girl.

19 September 2012

She constantly came to our cafe to do her work. Panini and vanilla tea would be her regular order.

Today arli gave me half of her sandwich to me, it was a sign that she actually wanted to give half of her heart to me! It was a strawberry jam sandwich for God sake, how can I not see it. Strawberry means love! She loves literature doesn’t she? She is hinting me with metaphor.

23 September 2012

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
I hope you are not dead
Before I could date you

19 July 2013

I confessed, She said yes. and She got that offer to do Bachelor in Medical Research too. It's okay long distance relationship will work!.

Then we both got married. Li was wonderful back then. She managed to handle her life so well, she prioritized her study first, over me. over anything. over that fat thighs (that's what she said), over bad & ugly day, and most importantly over hormones. She rarely blames her hormones, and she said "I'm feeling good" even when she was tired like a thirsty tires (tayar haus punya direct translation =D)

you are the younger version of Li, I bet you can pull this off! fight for our love, please. :)

let me be in your life, fly and see me. BUT FIRST, YOU GOTTA SCORE!

I was once, busuk.

2011-03-17T11:08:00.000-07:00

*sebelum pergi lebih jauh, i rasa okay kot letak gambar kecik-kecik tak bertudung sebab time ni tak baligh lagi. suka hati je. eh tapi betul. kita period lambat. =O

If i can go back to my past time, I'll strangle myself. LOOK AT THIS!

MACAM NAK LEMPANG KAN, MAK AI, GEDIK NAK MAMPUS KECIK-KECIK.

shweet dweams?, oh my lord. kupu-kupu itu indah. oh my god.

lepas tu, ingat konon kewl lettew letak gambar ni kat myspace. konon-konon kaya, ada dua phone, ipod, and also purse from roxy. oh my gaaawd.

kat myspace pun banyak gambar macam ni, sebab konon-konon nak appreciate kawan, padahal memang suka menempek muka kat page orang =O

memang dari kecik pun suka study together katanya.

memang dah kenal dari kecik lagi kitorang ni :')

Sofia and azie that never leave me. :)

oh well,

but looking at this, makes me smile

Good to know, i like to be different, from younger age. teehee.

hi, I am demotivate-d Arli

2011-03-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

i think the reason is because I am too fat. So there are many parts of me. today, I am demotivated Arli. sometimes, i can be childish arli. if you are so unlucky, i might be flirty-arli.

and also to answer your question. Yes, i have plenty of times, because i feel so demotivated, so please excuse this daily blogging syndrome!

after watching 3 idiots, twice, i think its time for me to make an attitude make-over. I don't want to study because of good results, I don't want to study because I want to prove to people that I can do this, I can do that. I want to study because I like it.

The thing is, I don't like what I am studying right now. As if my enthusiasm in gaining knowledge has been stolen by an elf! PLEASE GIVE IT BACK TO ME.

Dear Allah, this is my own way of reaching you.

Hi Allah, this is me again. Arlina. I could not focus. I could not study. I don't know why exactly. This is also one of the reason why I hate being a girl. First, I don't know what I want, then I don't know why I am feeling so moody, Oh my god, if this is the time of the month's syndrome, please let it be gone soon!

1. could it be, because she screamed at me? accusing me of not doing any exercise where everyday during lunch i sit with other teacher? because i could not bare another yell. I know dedek said, I should deal with this matter already, because being a doctor means you get to yell at a lot. but the thing is God, i am a kind of person who seeks rainbow after rain, not another storm. I'll try ya Allah, to be more mature. To actually bear anything.

"An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult". Lord Chesterfield

The thing is ya Allah, I don't want to study for the sake of proving to someone that I can do. That is like, so last year. Habis tu apa masalahnya, study je lah sengal. Okay maybe sometimes, deep down inside, I want to see the desired result. this self-conflict is so annoying ya Allah. Please help me.

2. I just did a research on University of ______ (boleh tak nak rahsiakan). I like that University ya Allah. As far as I can remember, that was the name of the University that I said in my prayers when I was in Makkah, and also Madinah. I like it soooo much ya Allah because it has this Bachelor in Medical Research too, so i could do a research on cancer, like so cool kan ya Allah! macam ultimate dream aje, and also scholarship for summer research in case i am not keen on getting double degree. I like it so much ya Allah.

3. mak and abah have put soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much efforts in coping with me. i can still remember that time when i clicked the wrong page to check the mara scholarship offer. i accident-ly click for lepasan diploma, and i told them i did not get the offer, teary eyed. They quickly drove to MARA HQ, and their happiness was pure gold when they knew i got the offer to go to KMB.

Don't make they drive once again ya Allah, or maybe kalau drive untuk cakap thank you tak pe.

ok i give up ya Allah, how can i solely study for the fun of earning the knowledge. It is also for abah and mak, and you. =)

Dear Allah, i may not be the normal servant that you have. I love praying by blog. I know, it's so weird, but do consider my prayers Allah.

also, one more thing. both of my brothers never really go to KMB's graduations day because of their result. =( (but both got to fly) I really want to go ya Allah. and this time, i know i always marah mak if she wants to buy the same baju as I am, but this time ya Allah, I will buy the same baju as her, I want everyone to know.

she is my dearly mother =)

amin.

Please help me to focus more ya Allah. Please help me to concentrate. Please add more enthusiasm in learning. I really enjoy studying ya Allah, only i need more excitements!.

btw, thank you for today ya Allah. =)

Hi, I am Honest-Arli

2011-03-14T05:50:00.001-07:00

no, its okay, you don't get to see her always. Usually I'll be Naughty-Arli

So here it goes.

Opinion-(noun) :

1. a view or judgement not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

2. The beliefs or views of a large number of people

3. an estimation of quality or worth

4. a formal statement of reasons for a judgement given

funny, the opinion on the definition of opinion is more than one. No solid, rigid, definition on opinion. No wonder we keep fighting with our opinions.

open mind-(noun)

1. a mind willing to consider new ideas

okay, i have to disagree with this. my definition of being open minded is when you accept the fact that people think differently and there is no need in convincing others that your opinion is the best.

Can I just share a short story, my journey of getting the right opinions?

I'm going to be so damn brutally honest about this, so please don't kill me okay. hi kerajaan, cia, Buku sejarah kata ini negara democracy,

democracy-(noun)

1. a form of government in which the people have a voice in the exercise of power, typically through elected representatives.

kalau salah sila tahan cikgu sejarah/akhbar/ucapan waktu kemerdekaan. Jangan lah tahan, kita. kita nak belajar lagi!

Way back, when I was stucked in USJ 13, MRSM Muar, MRSM Beseri and still stuck in KMB. My mind has been influenced by many factors. religion, race, family, friend and papers, movies and many more.

these were my previous stands.

1. Dulu i punya lah bengong nya, rasa macam nak wujudkan something (i tak tau lah apa something tu) yang boleh tolong melayu. Sebab melayu selalu sangat kene insult. Bila dengar sajak Dr. Mahathir, lagi lah macam terus nak berkobar perjuangkan bangsa melayu. ye, I pun dulu, emosi bila peluang bumiputera dah dikecikkan untuk kasi kat non-bumi. sebab orang melayu kerjanya menagih, merempit, melacur, me-layu. semua lah melayu.

2. Dulu i fikir, lepas graduate, i tak nak balik Malaysia. ni sebab dah give up dengan bangsa melayu sendiri. Politik semua cam tah pape je, and education system is going hay wire, gila nak kasi anak i belajar science in malay? pening lah dia nanti bila masuk U! (see, clashes of opinions and stands already occur)

3. oh my god, mesti lah pertahan kan sultan. okay ni macam tipu je. whatever, tapi masa belajar malay union tu, hati i dah macam, wooo, not bad yaw malay union. =__= (sorry tengku amir, i tak kenal u lagi time ni)

okay cukup lah ni 3. I believe, many of my friends masih lagi dekat stand sini.

tapi stand sekarang.

toolong lah kawan dengan kita lagi, despite our stands are different, kalau tak tahan, baca balik definitions open minded. pergi!!!!

1. oh my God, people will hate me for saying this. I believe everyone deserves an equal chance. And this goes to all sort of things, even scholarship. (ha, memang sah dah ada orang unfollow ni) Dulu i was so freaking skeptic about 1 Malaysia, okay maybe until now, but i believe we the younger generation can make changes. that is why during Chinese celebration the other day, i almost cried. because that is what i want. =( a harmony negara.

i always asked myself, what is the different between memperjuangkan bangsa and being racist. there is a fine line. many people cross that line =(. i know, even my close friend said i am not being realistic, dramatic and all. and pasal hak istimewa orang melayu, cuba kita tengok, maju sangat ke orang melayu? (sebaik lah, orang tak tau alamat rumah) disebab kan racial issues ni ada social inequality.

I believe in Malay+Chinese+Indians=Happiness could be achieve. Younger generations, prove it!

2. lepas degree nak balik ke tak?

ni memang issue hangat kmb. asal tanya je, semua gila defensive dengan jawapan masing-masing. true, i was once like that. siap rasa nak sumpah-sumpah. but then, sekarang, yes. I do want to go back to my country. tau tak berapa banyak negara yang dah demolished from the map, and penduduk dia considered as pelari? I am super proud of malaysia. of the people, not the rulers of course. sebab pembaris dia keras! =__= i suka yang lentur-lentur.

ada sorang budak ni, suka hati je cakap "i nak balik M'sia berbakti", tapi with not the right reasons. emosi jap.

lepas tu, i memang emosi habis pasal orang yang macam, kutuk melayu bukan mainnya.

OKAY OKAY, I DID IT TOO. for example, hari tu ada junior ni complain pasal budak lelaki dalam kelas, pastu i terus, oh my god mesti lelaki melayu dari asrama kan? =__= i judge too, i classified people too, and no its not good, i shall change. but

memang normal kan, ramai orang suka cakap erm,

1.tak de lah cantik mana, muka typical melayu je

2. nanti i nak cakap english je dengan anak i,

3. bangga gila bila orang cakap muka bukan macam melayu

again, simpan dulu telur tu, jangan baling dekat i, i was once like that. lagi-lagi no 3 tu. ada ke patut orang ingat i ni orang mexico time kat Heathrow airport dulu.

everyone seems to be running away from the fact that we are malay! tak suka dengan bangsa kita, tukar perangai, bukan tukar bangsa. Just because people label you as lazy, you have to be lazy. we define who we are, not others. =_=

and no 3

ni paling boleh masuk cia. ke isa. ke apa2 lah. yang a kat belakang.

sebelummempertahankanagamaislamsebagaiagamarasmilebihelokmempertahankanagamayang

adadalamdirisendiridulu.

haha, kalau macam ni tak boleh accuse kita, sebab dia yang assume kita tulis gitu dok.

so, can you see how my opinions change with time? our opinions, my opinions, her opinions, his opinions are not always right, we can't change what they think, they can't change what I think, he cant change how she thinks.

so, IB profile taught me to be open minded. I don't know how far have i succeed.

How far? if anyone asked, not that far.

KALAU SESIAPA COMPLAIN KUTUK PASAL ANWAR HADI NGAN MAT LUTFI MEMANG BOLEH KENE LEMPANG, HEY TAK TAKUT KE KITA DAH CAPS LOCK NI, HEY! .

I want to apologize for having different opinions. =) You know, with time, they can change too. So, we are from different cultures, different backgrounds, terima aja lah. and yes, its not easy to accept, i dah cuba, susah gila. macam boleh buat gaduh, but ways of thinking are something that you couldn't control. You can't penjarakan someone's mind. kan? So cherish the differences and enjoy the differences. After all, parallel and perpendicular make a great structure. =)

Excuse me, have you seen my memories?

2011-03-12T10:25:00.000-08:00

Rasa nak menangis tengok gambar ni :')

Looking at old pictures, is such a wonder. Little did we know, it is true. Picture speaks thousand of words.

If you caught me sitting with this elephant at KMB, this is because this elephant accompanied me throughout my SPM years. This elephant, whose name is Jimmy reminds me that I was once strong and smart. =)

Inside the bantal is actually where I put my phone. =P

same baju raya! we did it purposely

and right now, I don't know where are they!

when this picture was taken, none of us had the slightest idea that we will go to the same college (Mara College Banting)

We are now separated by distance.

Orientation day, when beserians click with beserians only. AND THIS GOES TO OTHER SCHOOLS TOO.

and I'm now laughing at the combinations of friends that I made

also, I feel like slapping myself for having a picture like this.

I miss my past, =)

random thoughts

2011-03-11T09:54:00.000-08:00

1. Alhamdulilah, I got a 5 for my pre-IRP test for maths. and yes, I actually feel happy. eh biarlah nak happy dengan apa Allah bagi kan. after constantly failing, 5 is good enough, FOR NOW.

2. I terjumpa blog sorang ni, memang secara instinct-ly rasa she writes about me. Sekali betul, kalau I tak terperasan lah kan. Dia cakap I beruntung sebab dipilih untuk merasa cinta Allah. 0_0 boleh berair air mata.

________________________________________

I keep having fight with myself tau. =__= Di saat orang lain, at the other parts of the world sedang berlawan for something else yang lagi serious, i masih lagi berlawan dengan nafsu je.

Arlina, pakai je lah socks tu. Alang-alang dah tutup semua, tutup je lah kaki tu

Eh gi mekah, ramai je tak tutup kaki, tah-tah dosa kecik, Allah maafkan je kot.

Suka hati kau je, diorang mazhab lain lah sengal

ala, nanti lah. socks susah lah nak jumpa pagi-pagi

Handsocks?

Ketat lah, kita gemok =(

____________________________

yang ditunjuk kan tadi, antara dialog dalam kepala, serious tak tipu. memang loser. loser gila! orang lain punya lah dalam dilema, macam mana nak pergi berperang ke apa, kita ada konflik dengan, antara nak pakai socks ke tak?

-________-

loser kan, kan, kan?

*okay sesiapa nak tolong kita, boleh lah belikan tudung besar yang bidang 60 tu, kita dah suka lah pakai sebenarnya, handsocks dengan socks. ok bye.

ARLINA COOL LAAH

2011-03-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

STAY POSITIVE, STAY HAPPY, STAY STRONG, STAY POSITIVE.

Dear Ahmad,

I don't know who you are, but you has inspired me. thank you.

I cannot focus, because tomorrow, I'll get my maths paper, tomorrow, I'll be sitting for chem paper 3.

takut nya!

metafora

2011-03-08T01:54:00.000-08:00

situasi 1

senah mengandung luar nikah. senah takut nak cakap dengan mak dia, sebab kalau cerita pasal exam dapat B pun dah mengamuk, apa lagi mengandung. senah ambil jalan mudah. dia bunuh diri. mak sedih. nothing can be done.

situasi 2

senah mengandung anak luar nikah. tapi disebabkan selama ini dia selalu bercerita dekat mak-nya tentang kelemahan dia dalam mengawal nafsu/suka bersosial/suka betul gedik dekat lelaki/ maka senah berani beritahu mak dia. "mak, senah mengandung". Disebabkan mak senah pernah belajar psychology muka mak, steady dan cool. memang betul, susah sangat nak terima hakikat, tapi disebabkan mak dia tahu, in every problem ada solution, mak dia sabar.

baby senah lahir, diorang raise baby tu together, senah bukak rumah perlindungan untuk remaja yang mengandung luar nikah jugak. Together, they make changes. dengan baby-baby tu sekali cakap, its ok to be anak luar nikah. we always have second chance!

kenapa semua hal tak boleh jadi macam ni?

okay lah, memang orang akan cakap kene didik awal-awal, prevent daripada diorang buat seks, tapi tak semestinya kalau nasi dah jadi bubur, bubur tu kene dibuang. Bubur kalau letak ketulan ayam, sayur pun sedap jugak. =___=

and sebenarnya, its a metafora, untuk korang apply in all sorts of situations. sila lah berfikir lebih mendalam okay. bye!

close your eyes

2011-03-06T20:04:00.000-08:00

Close your eyes and remember all the small little things that God have given to us.

Thank you Allah for let me wriggle my toes when I'm feeling nervous

this pink laptop of mine

my habits of liking to tip toed when I'm using the stairs

my beautiful face (self acclaim, who cares)

ability to do a split (was in ballet class when i was young, thin and small. shut up!)

the fondness to write, even at early age

my long set of fingers

my sister and brothers

thank you for giving me awesome friends in kmb

thank you for giving me lessons that i could not earn elsewhere

my weak stomach that always get a gastric attack

in a relationship with a cadet pilot (lol)

the wind that surrounds me, brushes my skin softly

my sense

thank you for giving the proper codons that suit me

thank you for not changing A & T during transcription

for my followers

passing my JPJ test, though I could not drive till now

thank you for giving me seed as a brother in disguise

thank you for 7A1, 2A2 and 1B3 for SPM

very much thank you for 3.61 for my fourth sem

giving me the joy of holding snow

almost took the wrong airplane in Ireland (or else I'll be in Paris instead of london)

the tranquility that conquers me when I was in London Eye

small heart attack when dedek pulled my rocking chair

siblings like relationships with my girlfriends

mama like roommates

the oxygen that i could breathe in

excessive hydrochloric acid in my stomach

my active bladder

iphone given after breaking up with the pilot (double lol)

the taste of macaroons

chances of me to see Kaabah, over and over again

most importantly

thank you for letting me be a muslim.

thank you for letting me brings this Islamic Identity, though sometimes I bring it differently and horribly.

thank you for reminding me of you during rock concert

thank you for reminding me of you during 'sinful' dating(s)

thank you for reminding me of you during all sort of hours, atmospheres and places, regions and many more.

thank you for acknowledging me Allah.

Thank you for letting me know that whenever, wherever, at all time, you will always be there for me. Thank you God.

Poem about life.

2011-03-05T02:35:00.000-08:00

Life is like a rat race

You'll never know what you might face

It is not easy to understand

even when I figure it out till the end

but what I know about life

that we can survive

just do our best

and let Allah do the rest

This so-called poem was written when I was 16 years old back then in MRSM Muar. I kept a black book and wrote all my thoughts in it.

Although so simple and short, this poem was meaningful to me.

1. I wrote this.

2. I 'recite' this poem during my scholarship interview and one of the interviewers asked for this poem. He gave me a pink tissue and a pen as he had no paper! =D I felt appreciated.

Funny, the view about life from the eyes of a sixteen years old girl. At early age, i see life as a rat race. A competition. A competition. A competition.

Thank you Allah, for opening my eyes. for releasing my mind from the 'typical world' prison. Thank you for giving me a new perception. Thank you.

I really want to change, but I have to be realistic, no one is perfect. But I'll try. I want to be an inspirer =)

Altruism and other things

2011-03-04T08:36:00.000-08:00

Altruism: (noun) selfless concern for the well being of others.

Since two groups (of my classmates) did marvelous TOK presentations on altruism, the core idea of their presentations act as bacteriophages in my thoughts. They inject the informations and i keep on synthesizing new opinions and beliefs about it.

Altruism, personally I don't believe it exists. To be more brutally honest, I am confused. In my religion, the fundamental 'doctrine' taught us to do anything, because of Allah. Why is that so? Is it for the beauty of heaven? or the fear that conquers our will? the act of sacrificing our lust to hinder ourselves from the hell? or is it naturally because of the need to quench the thirst of Allah's love?

I go for Allah's love. but not to the extent that I am able to sacrifice everything, yet. I believe in baby steps. However, do remember baby steps are not a defence mechanism for us to fall on and not moving.

However, when I relate it to my future job, with God's will, to be a doctor. Altruism disappears, being very volatile, evaporates easily. Yes, i am being very honest here. True, I will help people, but I believe they are doing a bigger favour for me.

all the procedures, prescriptions and all other doctor-related works, are those that I (insyaAllah) could offer.

But the lessons about life that I am craving for and will get by being a doctor are pure priceless. I want to be a doctor, because of this. Is this an act of selfishness? Is it still for the benefits of others?

Am I saying that by seeing other people died is the price for me to actually value life? or lives? I am still confuse. and when I said I do good things because of religion sake, what am I trying to convey actually? Am I accusing the atheist people to be having hidden agendas in all of their good doings?

these questions, are for me to ponder.

I am not perfect, and never will. But what I'd like to do is to eliminate all the devil's whispers and hold on to what I believe is right and ethical. and be more sensitive to religion matters.

i just have to write it down

2011-03-02T02:03:00.000-08:00

although i am still struggling to wake up at 5 o'clock like i used to,

although i am still struggling with not frowning or at least achieve that poker face when someone is explaining something to me

although i am being screamed (exaggerated) at because of my stupidity

and also this never ending new obsession with my Shakespeare in a lab coat guy

i believe i have become a better Arlina. =)

______________________________

Yesterday was a new experience for me. Being in a scene that resembles a typical siblings fight tickled my heart. little brother and sister screaming their heart out and ended the fight with i love you was simply a miracle.

I play the role of big sister (literally, lol!), and it gave me a feeling that after this our bond is going to be stronger. and yes, abang we all love you. =)

______________________________

Also, I went to Chinese New Year celebration that was held at the hall, because i remembered Everard said that i am part of the family :') it was fun! and moving!. the speech given by the project manager was very inspirational and touching. She made me realized that there are people who still appreciate the multicultural values that Malaysia holds. Albeit, it is undeniable, that the values now are getting weaker and forgotten by us youths, nevertheless because of her my heart beats with a happy melody.

______________________________

Parts of me are telling me that i have becoming more mature, it freaks the hell out of me. You know it is no longer Arlina behind that strawberry printed cotton baju kurung when she asked on what basis they froze Gadafi's assets, or when she talks about culture identity with sparkle eyes.

however when you listen to her corny scientific riddles, you know it was Arlina all along. =)

_____________________________

and yes, that was my rambles for today.

random fact #1: do check seed's fingers, he has the most beautiful fingers ever! bye!

it's the final countdown

2011-02-25T23:14:00.000-08:00

this week, was a hiking trip for me. it would safe for me to elucidate, at this moment i am reaching the top.

sent TOK, EE, finished IOP, TOK presentations and all others, and i guess, all i have to do right now is STUDY.

i performed for solte a' alma too last night. we won, and our team were called the borneo hearts. the thing is, i am not even from borneo, and it got few people asking me whether or not i am somewhere from sabah/sarawak. hihi.

and today jiji, ainzu and i went to alamanda to celebrate. =B.

in 66 days, and 3 weeks of IB and it will be over. So arlina, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee make a good use of this 66 days okay.

________________________________

by the way, no seed is not my boyfriend. really. :)

what I want right now

2011-02-22T02:57:00.000-08:00

again, for gazillion times, I have delete some of my entries. I need to be more mature. However, thinking about it again, i guess it is a good measure to make-keeping bits of your past memories, even if they are really really stupid.

for instance, right now i am annoyed at myself for deleting those emotional post when I was 17. I bet those entries would be a laughing gas stimulator for me, at this age.

by the way, the reason why I am writing this post is because I am so hungry. To the extent that i feel like crying. and also, i think i deserve a break, for a while. I am so tired. really.

I want my hamlet in a lab coat. and I shall be your Marie curie with a stethoscope.

this melange of emotions syndrome will never ends. really. what i need to do is cope with it. and sharing inside scientific jokes with you would keep my sanity at the most safest state.

and yes, this post is leading nowhere because i am effin tired. my mind could not function properly. I am going to rest for tonight and tomorrow. =)

and yes, what I want right now is IB 45.

because she is smiling. :) (edited)

2011-02-12T11:47:00.000-08:00

i should watch 3 idiots, long time ago. I see myself perfectly in Raju rastogi. I have always wanted to become a doctor. Only after i joined KMB, my aim is dirtied by distractions. Alhamdulilah, I've found my aim again.

things have been so chaotic in kmb. i heard many news. 11 people did not make it to PMC, only 35 people for IUMC, and why am i worried sick? because I have this great feeling that everyone will try for Australia. which means, more competition.

I am super tired of competition. competition makes me a bad person. there is no such things as healthy competition in KMB. bullshit i shall say. I could still clearly remember how competition could turn me into, during sem 2. a freaking monster. seriously no joke. memang lah points increase tapi, kalau hati busuk tiada guna. okay ;)

relating it again to 3 idiots, i will stop thinking about my future. focus on today. today today today. :)

by the way remember my phrase "ending defines your beginning?"

This week is painful in the ass. i have chemistry test on monday, biology test on tuesday, tok & EE submission, and tok presentation on thursday. I almost break down. i don't know where to go to, i have my period at the same time. the melange of emotions was rather tremendously hurting me in and out. However, this week ends beautifully. okay maybe i conclude to fast because today is Sunday. Nevertheless, I super love this week. Despite i was living in hell at the beginning of this week, the happiness covers up the sadness.

ending does defines your beginning. dear ya Allah, I want my ending to be good. Please please.

and, friday night was beautiful as well. we had classmates gathering at the surau, for sharing moments. I was crying so badly because I was reminiscing myself back in the past. what a horrible person I was.

and they made this writing session, what we wanted to tell our classmates. To my surprise, there were quite numbers of my classmates telling me that I am their inspiration, because I am strong, and never give up and very hardworking.

knowing all of those came from them, made my heart aches even more. they realized all those crazy shits i have to go through. I LOVE MY CLASSMATE SO MUCH. they taught me, that love is an action. a verb. not a noun.

and friday night as well my father came with my laundry. he came with his red jeep that I don't like. that jeep is a manual car, and I know he will become tired from driving it. However being a stubborn person he is, still working on his kebun, also makes my heart pinched bitterly. I know he is working hard for me. My mom asked him to prepare a lot of money for me, in case bad things happen to them. Not to mention, right now my dad did all my laundry. He said it would save a lot of money. imagining him ironing all my baju kurungs and tudungs, and lipated all other baju and also garments!

mak and abah, I'm sorry for not being a good daughter. Hopefully Allah gives me another 80 days for me to create changes. I know I should be focus on studying, and applying it in my daily. See the fun behind science and explore myself even more. However, the thought of making abah and mak never fails to intrude my mind. I would be lying ya Allah if i said i did this solely for the fun of studying. I still wish for 45, although my sem 3 result is 28 :) I still wish for Australia, although I know competition is getting crazier. I still wish for your bless, your help and everything Allah, because only you i could rely to.

please ya Allah, this 80 days journey to success. make it a good ride. please please. amin.

comment: oh my god, after reading this again, i just realised how selfish I can be! instead of showing my concern towards the PMC and IUMC people, i only care about myself. I'm truly sorry. Will work hard later on to reduce my selfishness.

heavy talks.

2011-02-08T13:51:00.001-08:00

I have came across a forum that talks about religion. In Malaysia, why is it when someone reverts to muslim, it is a joyous moment, where on the other hand if a muslim converts to other religions, people will become so defensive and sensitive.

First and foremost, maybe because muslim is the majority, or is it not? Okay, i just don't know.

When i said i wanted to marry a revert, some of my friends said i just did a disrespectful remarks. This is because, as if i was forgetting the fact that he was once, in other religion, worshiping the other God, and in a way i am insulting the other religion.

that was never my intention.

i was raised normally. My parents taught me the "fundamental" of being a muslim. Pray five times a day, reading the Quran, fasting during ramadhan and of course wearing hijab. (note that i am wearing hijab because I WANT TO, because of ALLAH)

the typical scene where people have been absorbing in their minds that muslim should be like that.

The thing is, i never fancy solat, wearing hijab and even reading the Quran at young age. Seriously.

I only wear hijab when i was 16, and at that time i was so convince that i can wear hijab for the rest of my life. especially when my atmosphere was appropriate enough. (I was in MRSM back then) i started to pray full 5 times, was when i entered MRSM too.

the phase after MRSM was the toughest one. I went wild. my hijab flew away (at particular period) and praying seems to be a burden. It lasted for 7 months. then i went to KMB.

Early semester 3, i met Quran. I tried to read it as best as i could. of course at the beginning, i was stammering, mumbling few words and i dont know how to read it properly with exact tajwid. However, that did not stop me. By reading the Quran, and also the translation. Many of my doubts have been answered.

To be honest, i felt as if my 19 years of life back then was nothing because sometimes i did have a doubt with the existent of Allah. But Quran, save me.

This is the reason why I'd like to marry a revert guy. Provided he finds Islam first, then he finds me. I want a guy that search for a religion in a proper manner, eg: by studying about the religion. because personally i think i did that too.

and yes, these are all the reason why i wanted to marry to a revert guy. because, in Malaysia i could see this "malay-muslim" syndrome. I just don't like it. just because you are a malay, it does not make you a muslim.

or at least i need a guy that was once wild, and then he meets the Quran. GET IT?

and by the way, I think I do have the "perfect religion" syndrome - read here. Sorry if this annoys you. But, when you really believe in your religion, you just have this slight tendency of wanting other people to feel it too. To be blessed by Allah.

However, i never believe in labeling people. this one is kafir, this one is not. this one maybe have a higher chance of becoming a murtad (muslim convert to other religion), this one sure goes to heaven.

never. As Allah would be the one that handles those. it is out of our capability.

I know this is a heavy topic, inappropriate topic to be discussed but i just like to clarify. i never have any intentions in creating disrespectful remarks about your religion and your God.

Because I'm Arlina, therefore I'm Absolutely Awesome!

2011-02-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

I have awesome friends, they forced me to publicize Borhan again. :') and here i am.

Previously, I was afraid of failures. when i was in sem 1, i was so afraid of getting lesser than 30. In sem 2, I was so afraid of not getting UK as placement. However, these two things became reality. I was crashed, i was down. I did not know what to do, how to proceed with my life. Until, I met Allah via Quran. I think Allah is teaching me that life is more than this.

The main reason why i had privatized Borhan because i was scared that i will not be able to go to medic school. You know, being so paranoid, I bet after Ib result comes out, people will look at my blog, wondering what is happening to this stupid girl. will she flies to aussie, or not. yes, i do care what people say.

Reminiscing what had happened to me in 3 semesters in Mara College Banting, I guess I have collect my own strength to face my fears. This time, I will not be scared, I will just keep going on and do my thing.

___________________________________

By the way, just to make my heartache less painful. I pujuk diri sendiri dengan cakap:

Eh tak pe lah, result teruk. sekurang-kurangnya aku ada banyak kawan yang baik. =) *referring to sofia, nazrin and iylia!

ye lah fine, korang ada honor roll kan, kita ada kawan yang sanggup drive dari subang pergi KMB untuk jumpa kawan diorg yang gedik sorg ni. Yang ramai-ramai risau bila kita buat cubaan untuk berdrama larikan diri dari rumah. lol. yang bertahan berkawan selama 6 tahun tau!

__________________________________

Hi, I'm your doctor. You can call me Arlina

Just arlina?

Yes, because after some times we are going to be friends *grins*

Really?

Yes, because we are going to kill naughty cells together =)

this bottle has cracked

2011-01-24T08:03:00.000-08:00

I'm planning to close this blog.

during recess, i went to the teachers' room for my EE. Tomorrow is the day we need to send our EE final draft. Miss fazlinda said its okay if I don't want to do any amendments but probably I'll get a C.

and so I'm doing it now from 9 pm. it has been 3 hours, nothing has been done much, because of the stupid internet connection.

i was called because i failed my maths

I have unstable emotions now. i dont know where to turn to. seriously, sometimes i wish i can call Allah. Seriously! if only i have a God-phone.

and i actually have the gut to tell everyone that i want to be a doctor. i want 45. i want this, i want that.

gila.

therefore, im going to close this blog, end of this week. just to give more time to notify people. if anyone ever reads.

sebab, tak nak lah nanti bila habis IB, semua orang tunggu, nak tau result berapa, budak ni sedih ke, bunuh diri ke, fly ke, duduk malaysia ke, dapat sambung medic ke tak ke.

tension. and yeah, goodbye!

I'm departing from everyone.

Sebenarnya Allah yang decide

2011-01-22T00:58:00.000-08:00

hari ni sahaja dah 22th January. Exam IB waktu May.

Sekarang ni boleh dikatakan hati tu sentiasa tak tenang. Dalam kelas, rasa macam nak mati pun ada. Semua cikgu bercerita pasal future. Ingat future masing-masing. Rasanya, mulai dari hari pertama jejakkan kaki dekat KMB, sampai minggu pertama semester 4. Baru lah perasan, kita masuk KMB sebab nak jadi doctor. Bukan sebab nak fly semata-mata

Punya lah lama kesedaran tu nak muncul. Nasib baik biologi waktu sem 3 dapat 4. Yes, you read that alllllright. Apparently, 3 days nak habiskan semua syllabus IB memang tak cukup. i actually amazed that i got a 4, because i bull throughout whole paper.

then, miss J (my biologi teacher) suruh revise balik chapter 2, and when I read again. I tak pernah nampak, macam mana i nampak sekarang. I nampak beauty of cells tu, i know its crazy, but i think I'm in love with cells.

cells are the smallest unit in living organism, the building blocks. dalam cells yang kecik tu, ada benda lagi kecik, which is the nucleus. dalam nucleus yang kecik tu, ada genetic material. genetic material yang kecik tu lah, yang define who we are. CANTIK KAN CELLS NI. everything pun is made up of cells.

lepas tu bila belajar pasal virus, tak sangka small things, boleh caused cancer. semua benda kecik-kecik ni lah menjadikan kita. cells ni ajar kita untuk tak take things for granted. Cuba lah binding site dekat membrane kita tu, tak berfungsi, terus tak boleh recognise antibodies memang parah! jatuh sakit.

Pernah ke kita berdoa dekat Allah, terima kasih ya Allah sebab jadikan binding site aku berfungi, terima kasih sebab jadikan ribosome aku berfungi and cells tu boleh adhered together and jadi tissue and jadi organs then boleh secrete hormones yang berfungsi sebagai negative or positive feedback mechanisms?

sebab ini lah kita nak jadi doctor jugak. dapat bersyukur dengan nikmat Allah. punya lah lama nak dapat jawapan ni. tapi sekarang Allah dah kasi

Macam mana nak belajar kerana Allah? Yay, kita dah dapat jawapan =)

Bila kita belajar biology ni, banyak peluang untuk bersyukur.

tapi, bila tersedar masa tak cukup, and ada banyak distractions, kita mula lupa Allah. kadang-kadang duduk surau setengah jam time subuh rasa membazir masa. kalau kita solat sendiri, 5 minit siap, tapi kalau pergi surau kadang-kadang sampai setengah jam.

time ni lah yang kita kene reflect balik, siapa sebenarnya yang tulis result kita di luh mahfuz tu?

Allah kan =) tapi jangan lah dah tau ni terus tak berusahaa. sebab Allah tak pernah ajar macam tu. we muslim, kene sentiasa strive untuk kadar kita!.

okay rasa lega tulis kat sini.

untuk sesiapa yang baca ni, doakan kita tau.

doakan kita macam ni:

Ya Allah ya tuhan ku, Kau tunjukkan lah jalan dekat Arlina, agar dia sentiasa menuju ke jalan mu ya Allah. penuhkan lah hasratnya untuk menjadi doctor muslim yang baik, dan jangan biar dia menjadi fitnah kepada agamanya.

amin.

thank you =D

I am smiling yaw

2011-01-07T15:53:00.001-08:00

I am so proud with myself this Semester. I just have to say it. not because of my result, but my strength in grabbing that Dream of mine -hard, this time. I made myself to swear, not to cry when i got the result, and Alhamdulilah I did not. even when they are really horrible.

Apart from that, i realized one thing. The reason why I am in Science field is because I want to be a doctor. to me, doctor is not a profession where you learn about your body. Patients are not subjects to be studied, but they are souls that needed to be treated. and of course, by doing that, it does not make you superior from other professions. When others said they want to become a doctor because they wanted to help them. it works the other way round for me. I want to become a doctor because I want them to help me. You have no idea how much you will learn when you're a doctor. and I'm not talking about the facts in anatomy.

small little steps in valuing lives, the realization that everyone is being tested in different ways, the real strength that you actually have in yourself, the family bond that actually existed but need something to be shown, the beauty of life.

those things. you dont get them in text books.

and of course, moving on is the hardest verb i ever encountered. especially when you have reasons to stay. but move! because I really want to be a doctor =)

hence, explaining this.

I had to make this wallpaper as my sane keeper.

1. I always have this fight inside me. where sometimes i think i should be off being a writer or a fashion designer. but then I realise I'm fat and I keep getting a 5 in english. aaand my bio. is. even. in jeopardizing state.

so, i said to myself, just be everything. work harder.

2. the picture of me and tengku amir gives me an illusion. that I'll be marrying a rich man, so I dont have to worry about my fees for degree.

I need to pay 25% of the loan back. :|

so, thats about it.

I may be active in blogging, I may be not.
four months, then I'll come back =)

KMB- Kita Memang Berani!

2011-01-02T12:02:00.000-08:00

i just deleted all the sad posts, and saved it elsewhere. Dramatic sangat. haish.

I just finished reading some seniors' blogs. SEM 4 is also tough. Some of them cried a lot, like every night. omg, knowing how dramatic I could be...... *fidgeting*

tomorrow is going back to KMB day.

Kita Memang Berani!

Kita Memang Boleh!

Kita Memang Bulat!

Kita Makin Bulat!

ok diam.

FOUR MONTHS.

ONLY FOUR MONTHS ARLINA, TO THE WEEKS, THAT WILL DEFINE THE FUTURE THAT YOU WILL BE HAVING.

so just remember these okay

1. its okay if you are not pretty

most people don't really understand why i am so into this "pretty" thing-ie and feeling ugly all the time. omg, guess what. me too! maybe by 30, I'll stop. Thus, I only wear my favourite sweat pants and long sleeve shirt FOREVER, when I am in KMB. you'll see me wearing the same thing. Its okay arlina. after that four months, you have more times to grieve about your ugliness.

2. STOP WITH THE DRAMA

Have a remote control. if the "stop" button is not working, there is always a mute button. :| okay, who am I kidding. Road will always full with bumps, broken paths, no sign of accidents at all, detour and many more. 2011 is going to be better is not because of life is getting easier, but because i am getting stronger.

OK, tolong lah kurangkan amount menangis.

3. GOD IS FAIR

I seriously believe that God is fair, Allah maha adil. Maybe lah, Wallahualam, tak tahu lah kan, tapi suka hati je nak buat assumption. Allah has written everything, in the luh mahfuz. some people have their fortunes earlier, some have theirs later. In the end, we all have the same amount of pain and pleasure. That is why we can't actually compare our life to others. btw speaking of comparing, I hate when people said

"tengok diorang tu, miskin pergi sekolah jalan kaki je, bersyukur lah nini pergi sekolah naik bus."

tapi apa nini tak tahu, yang budak-budak miskin tu ada stronger family bond daripada nini, sebab diorang miskin, diorang need each other to bare the pain

" memang lah kita ni tak cantik mana, tapi sekurang-kurangnya ada semua benda. muka tak cacat macam orang hilang hidung"

tapi apa yang mereka berdua ni tak tahu, orang yang hilang hidung tu ada someone yang mampu mencintai dia for who she is, not for her looks nor anything

so, jangan suka-suka look down on other people to make yourself feel good. bersyukur is feeling enough with what we have, without comparing with others. I know it is hard to do so.

"tengok lah arlina tu, dah la tak cantik, result pulak teruk, badan makin gemok, asik ada drama je memanjang hidup dia tu, omg, i memang tak akan wish pun hidup i jadi macam hidup arlina"

tapi apa yang ramai tak tahu sebenarnya I ni bakal isteri raja muda selangor. =_='' Tengku Amir Shah. =D

omg, sama kan muka? tengok je lah kening dengan mata tu, pipi dua-dua nak sama gebu je. HAHAHAA, ok tiba-tiba rasa loser pulak sampai macam ni sekali nak menyakinkan diri bahawa I am a miracle.

Hi tengku amir, no I am not that psycho, this is my attempt of being funny, I hope you don't mind, I have fallen for you when I was standard 5, at that time, you were 12 years old. So, I have love you for 9 years none stop :'). I hope, you do love me back.

love,

rakyat biasa

p.s: Kalau betul dia baca, pergh, memang tak boleh diam untuk 12 hari. telephone orang je memanjang, tak pun canang satu kampung. LOL.

ok enough.

4. INTENTIONS ILLUSTRATES SOLUTIONS

have a good niat.

here a checklist.

Why do you want to be a doctor?

because I want to witness that life is a journey of fighting with yourself, not others

Why do you want to fly?

I love travelling, and world will be destroyed because of apocalypse event. I'm taking this chance to see the arts of God.

To be more independent, self-taught myself with the adult matters-NOT THAT ONE PERVERT

To actually realize, that I am strong

Experience other cultures, experience new environment

To actually realize that cultures are not to be read, judged and hated but to feel and understand.

Why do you want to get 45?

Because I want to be on the stage twice, like I did in MRSM Beseri.

Because I want to forgive myself

Because ending defines beginning

Because I got 4a, 1B for UPSR, 7a, 1b for PMR, 9a, 1b for SPM. :| So, I have to get full points this time!

Most of all,

untuk ada element macam movie, bila flash back terkenang zaman dapat result 29, 33 and __. Lepas tu ada climax bila ada soundtrack yang inspiring eg: the final countdown, and last-last time nak check result, air mata mengalir sebab tak percaya memang dapat 45, lepas tu CNN datang malaysia sebab I antara 15 orang yang dapat 45, sebab dalam sejarah tak pernah ada IB students yang dapat 45 sesikit ni. Lepas tu akhirnya tengku amir kenal i :D

eh, ok lah fine. I memang suka berangan jauh. sorry.

the coolest people are those who are awake in their dreams.

make it happen!

rebuilding dreams

2010-12-21T12:05:00.000-08:00

From this moment, i have 129 days, 19 hours and 25 minutes and few seconds till IB exam. Its getting lesser by each second and I feel like killing myself. but darling, that is not a wise solution or measure to be taken.

Before that, I'd like to share my before-kmb moments. I was eager to be enrolled and being accepted to KMB, since I was standard 3. YES, you read that alright! STANDARD THREE. Masa tu orang masih lagi pilih nak suka pikachu, jigglypuff ke ataupun eve kan, kita dah plan nak masuk KMB :')

ni salah satu contoh entry dalam blog, sebelum offer dibuat lagi. Okay, kenapa obsess sangat nak masuk IB ni -____-.

this is part of my essay for the interview. Tak malu betul bajet english bagus. Sekali masuk IB dapat 5 je memanjang -___-.

I love the interviewers, :) sangat-sangat!

at that time, I was really happy. dah terbayang dah all the bright future Im going to have. :')

I was really sad about something at that time, and i thought by going to kmb-then UK, it might cheer me up.

So, as you can see, I really wanted to go to UK to proceed with my degree. Tapi nak buat macam mana kan, bodoh sangat. I had too many distractions back then.

Ramadhan, if you are reading this, this is one of the reason why I dont want you. Yes, I am very selfish and I am putting blame on you. Faham tak, I told you I am doing IB so jangan carik pasal with me, and you did. Although we were fighting in February, but those weeks you left me crying, I should be doing some serious study back then. Okay maybe I am too much, and it is my fault, but nvm. past is past

and then there were too many dramas, i was too keen in becoming smart, and pushing everyone aside, becoming selfish.

I was soooo stupid. for two semester in KMB, i ruined everything. I ruined my lifetime dreams, i ruined it all. and I only have around 4 months in KMB, before my IB exam.

enough arlina, you have ruined the chance that was given to you. God, give you four months. To complete what you have start, although I dont know what im chasing for.

really, I dont know.

the requirements for Australia's medical school is really high, like 38-41/ not to mention most of them are 6 years course.

So, really I dont know whether I can be a doctor or not. I dont know whether I can fly or not. I dont know.

Only this, is the reason why I am still walking.

Tadika termurah didunia

2010-12-20T06:16:00.001-08:00

For those who didn't know, well I bet not many people know this, but my mom owns a kindergarten. :D

This kindergarten is for kids as early 3 years old, to 6 years old

so as you can see, the approach will be different according to age. :D

and safety is one of the imperative elements :)

and this is the uniform. Worry not!, blue colour is available for the boys.

and outside of the house, there are slides/swings for kids to play too.

so this is the guru besar, which is my mom! she is a lecturer in various universities and maktabs teaching psychology and pre-school stuff, so, basically pre-school is her main specialties. eh dah macam menu je. :|

i mean, she's really good with kids, like masa kecik-kecik, i dibenarkan conteng merata tempat and tulis merata tempat, tengok sekarang dah jadi artish and a writer (perasan moment)

her biggest achievement is producing 1 teacher and 4 doctors :)(my siblings lol)

so here's the dealio

yuran pendaftaran: 45 ringgit
yuran bulanan: 90 ringgit (if you do the maths, one hour is like one ringgit, lagi murah dari tinggalkan anak dekat cc. haha)

and thats about it.

the tadika is located at seremban taman tunku jaafar ke apa tah. :| omg lupa

so, this is my mom's number

012-2365373

call if you are interested untuk hantar budak kecil masuk tadika

tapi kalau nak meminang anak bongsu dia tak boleh ye, sebab anak bongsu dia nak belajar lagi. hihiks. ceh ok bye!

btw, this is not my mom but my kakak ipar, but nak membuktikan betapa hebatnya cara mengajar membaca (by using flashcards, because dia guna methods ni dekat semuaaaa anak-anak dia sampai ke cucu sekali) umur baru setahun lebih can read already.

*so siapa nak baka anak baik, boleh kawin dengan I, eh i mean, enroll in this kindergarten. :D

jealous

2010-12-19T05:09:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

I always feel jealous when someone has more things than me. Be it, intelligence, wealth, beauty or even sometimes friends, I will always be eaten up by jealousy.

but only once in a while I feel jealous when my friends love you more than I do. They have strength to solat 5 times a day with even solat sunnah are being added in their daily activities.

they are all fully excited when they have usrah to attend, ceramah to listen, and looking forward for tadabur.

Dear God,

please stop me from chasing the worldly matters.

zaman dulu

2010-12-18T12:26:00.000-08:00

hi arlina,

kenapalah awak ni gemok sangat. faham tak, badan tu, kalau makin melebar, nak keluar pintu rumah pun kene mengereng.

dulu pakai jeans size 10-12 je, sekarang ni dah 14-16.

awak nak peha awak besar macam gajah siam?

kecik sedikit macam dulu pun takpe. tak perlulah nak cantik macam agnes dalam despicable me. -__-. STOP EATING LA GILA.

kiri anda, (yang bajet kurus sikit tu) ialah masa form 4. kanan anda, ialah masa form 3.

form 5?

(gamba atas-atas tu macam form 5 je)

sekarang?

omg, so bulat. -___-

anyway, when i was in brunei, people thought i am 16. omg. BRUNEIANS, please marry me.

not for you to understand

2010-12-17T23:41:00.000-08:00

you might wanna have a sneak peak in arlina merana, click here, to get a clue, on how to read this. If you dont, then Im sorry.

Your smile, Your existent, Your present, Your strength to drive me further, all of those made me love you. But, You ruined it with Your stupidity. That was a blow man, a total waste.

Why? what did I do?

and you dare to ask?

Yes, What did I do? to deserve this hateful tormenting moments

Yes, of course You are the best, but You my dear, don't have identity, You don't have any firm stand. You took my identity, You took my Superficial appearance, You took my happiness, You took my trust, You ruined everything.

but I still love you

Stop with your love bull. You did that for the attention. Without me giving You all those attentions, You wouldn't be so close to be feeling special.

stop saying that, I have more friends. I don't need you, I don't need your freaking attention

Oh yeah, sure You do have more friends, but none of them have analysed You minutely and seeing all the flaws in You, and still accepting you. You take me for granted. and this is the end

_________________________________________________

I do tell people about you and him once in a while. I enjoy the sympathy looks that im getting. and yes, they despise you - a lot. Some even call you a bitch.

he was never yours, why the hell you think its yours?

Of course he was never mine, but he never yours too, until you took him away

i thought you already moved on

i did, from him. but not from the happiness that you are feeling now. its not fair. Im the one who should be smiling.

You are selfish, Stop it now before envy kills you

They killed me already, Im dying inside

____________________________________________________

well,well, I dont know why Im writing about you. I hated you long time ago

IT WAS A STUPID MISTAKE. ONE STUPID MISTAKE.

so? i am not a doll you know, i got a damn functional heart and still beating in my body

please forgive me

i can forgive, but not forgive. cliche i know, but then that is the truth

no one going to love you like i did

im ready for that.

seed's

2010-12-17T00:14:00.000-08:00

i personally asked this macha to write something for my blog, because he is my self-acclaim number one fan. LOL

so, here it goes

Hello Borhan, I hope you still keep on posting good stuffs as my short breaks from that lengthy, fact-ful books. Basically this post is specially dedicated to Bottle Of Hopes, a blog by Arlina Arshad.

I can’t really remember the first time I met Borhan. Probably, it was a random clicks on Arlina’s Facebook page I guess, and here it is, I’ve been craving for more random and funny posts of Borhan.

I like Borhan because

The posts have good English language, I would not say that I have a fetish for language, just that I like reading materials with impeccable language

The content. Sometimes, it is so random I couldn’t make any sense out of Borhan’s posts. Though most of the times, it is about the blog’s owner ramblings, but the way she knitted those words it just appears so funny and quite mysterious at times

I can keep updated with Arlina’s life. Her life is neatly arranged in those words and indubitably, she is a good writer. When she upset or happy, you name it, it’s in the blog. She’s not Kim Kardashian, she is herself

Blog layout. B E A U TiFool. I like green, and white, it blends.

My name in it. Well, I have a pretty strong bond with Borhan’s owner, so you can easily spot my name in few posts. Ceh, not really that easy but you can find name.

I can relate myself with pretty much of the issues posted in Borhan

I know Borhan’s owner better through him

I love reading blog, and this is one of the blogs that I keep on digging for more. I know my blog is lame, but that’s totally not the point. I write blog because I wanna see myself growing up through words because language somehow can reflect your maturity and holistically yourself.

i know, its pink. he likes pink. :|

and he drew a picture as well.

i dont know i should put his link or not. i dont really like people go to his blog. i got jealous. LOL.

okay just kidding, click here for his blog :)

i am not who you think i am.

2010-12-12T19:22:00.001-08:00

hi, previously, i was rather dead curious why is it the number of my followers is increasing. hence, the stats checking.

i just realized, the article that i wrote for iluvislam is published. :O , currently the article is 1100 shared by the readers, explaining the number of followers.

*fidgeting*

please note that the article, that i post, was what i wanted to share. it doesn't represent myself. you know i feel guilty. i am not that nice, i am not that pious you know. :( if you read my previous post, namely year 2009, i was a monster.

so yeah. i try to change, and i am changing, and i will try harder, although sometimes it feels like swimming in a heavy wave and you got pushed backwards.

so, please dont be terperanjat, if you see one post telling me how much I love Allah, and another post, you can see me posting about me going out for a karaoke.

because i need more tampalan dihati ni. :(

dua dekad

2010-12-12T04:16:00.000-08:00

convert your date HERE

Tuhan.

tak mampu.

tak mampu aku nak terus menekan key-board ni. malu sangat. dua dekad, kau beri tempoh. dua dekad kau beri masa untuk mencari cinta kau. berapa saat dalam dua dekad ini, aku benar-benar mencintai mu?

aku rasa, terlalu banyak kau berikan tempoh. kau berikan peluang. kau temukan aku dengan orang-orang yang dalamnya cinta terhadap kau. sedikit demi sedikit, mereka cuba menarik aku untuk mencintaimu. atas dasar apa tuhan mereka buat macam tu. kerana kau Tuhan. Kerana kau.

Ya Allah, untuk sahabat yang mampu menarik aku lebih dekat kearah mu, kurniakan mereka nikmat mu ya Allah.

Dan jadikanlah dirimu sentiasa berdamping rapat dengan orang-orang yang beribadat kepada Tuhan mereka pada waktu pagi dan petang, yang mengharapkan keredaan Allah semata-mata dan janganlah engkau memalingkan pandanganmu daripada mereka hanya kerana engkau mahukan kesenangan hidup di dunia dan janganlah engkau mematuhi orang yang Kami ketahui hatinya lalai daripada mengingati dan mematuhi pengajaran Kami di dalam Al-Quran, serta dia menurut hawa nafsunya dan tingkah-lakunya pula adalah melampaui kebenaran. (18:28)

Kerana aku masih lagi tak mampu nak berjalan atas jalan lurus itu. kini, asik tergelincir sahaja. Mahu terpesong sahaja, terlalu cintakan dunia aku ini ya Allah.

Ya Allah, aku ingat lagi masa july lalu. aku ada buat wish list yang aku mahu dari Kau, Alhamdulilah, banyak jugak yang dapat. tapi aku ini terlampau buta ya Allah. Aku terlalu cintakan dunia, aku rasa genggaman hidayah itu makin longgar, makin luntur, makin jauh ya Allah.

aku tidaklah sebaik mana. kau lebih kenal hati ini kan?

hari ni hari lahir aku yang ke-duapuluh mengikut kalendar Islam. Aku sambut seorang diri, dalam bilik. Tanpa segunung iman, tanpa sehelai takwa, tanpa apa-apa ya Allah. hanya dosa sahaja, hanya dosa. dosa ya Allah.

ya Allah, aku memang tak malu kan. dah sehina-hinanya macam ni. masih lagi nak meminta

wishlist untuk umur 20 tahun.

1. aku nak berubah.

sikit demi sedikit. mungkin aku kene buat list, apa nak diubahkan. boleh tak kali ni nak berubah yang kekal punya:( tak mahu jadi munafik ya Allah. dan ubahnya aku ini, untuk kau sahaja ya Allah. untuk kau

2. Kekuatan dan kematangan

3. matikan aku ketika iman di tahap yang selamat. memang orang kata perasan kalau nak syurga tanpa dihisab tu, tapi nak sgt. nak jadi golongan terdahulu.

________________________________________

ya Allah, kalau ada orang cerita pasal orang yang sentiasa bertaubat sebab banyak kali berdosa, dan diterima oleh kau ya Allah. aku selalu berharap orang tu aku

kalau ada orang cerita pasal orang yang terselamat dari neraka kerana bulu matanya menyelamatkan dia kerana air mata, aku selalu berharap orang tu aku.

________________________________________

Arlina, selamat hari lahir yang ke dua puluh.

dua dekad, Allah bagi awak hidup tau.

saya sayang awak sangat, awak berubah tau

tips menaiki taxi sorang-sorang

2010-12-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

Untuk anak bongsu yang sentiasa kesana-kemari menaiki kereta yang DIPANDU OLEH ORANG LAIN, menaiki taxi keseorangan bukan perkara yang mudah, lebih-lebih lagi apabila ini kali pertama.

okay, bukan kali pertama, banyak kali kat UK (tapi tu pun 10 minit) kat malaysia je takut. so this is my first time in malaysia.

sebelum menaiki taxi

1. memilih taxi yang sesuai.

sewaktu meng-google number taxi yang sesuai, type lah taxi area subang, contohnya supaya taxi yang akan dipanggil bukan taxi stesen kedah. apabila menelefon, tanya dekat orang tu, berapa kadar harga agar tidak ditipu dan sebagainya. selalunya cakap sahaja awak nak taxi tu sekarang, sebab diorang selalu lambat. -___-

persiapan untuk menaiki taxi

1. okay sila jangan gelak, tapi i bawak gunting. GUNTING YANG BESI MASA TAHALUL KAT MEKAH TU. hahaa, bukannya apa, i memang paranoid gila. nak nak time carik number kat internet tu, i baca articles surat khabar pasal orang kene rompak time naik taxi.

2. pemakaian juga harus selesa untuk berlari kalau dia mula buat apa-apa. dan tidak menjolok mata. haha

ketika naik taxi

1. bukan hanya interview sahaja awak perlu confident, tetapi ketika naik taxi juga, jangan buat muka takut.

2. jangan juga buat tak tahu, macam tadi masa nak naik taxi tu, pakcik tu tanya keluar ikut kiri boleh, i terus kata boleh, padahal tak tau pun. lepas tu dia tanya nak ikut jalan mana, saya kata tak kesah, tapi federal highway tengah jam. wah wah gitu, sila lihat laporan trafic sebelum naik taxi. kalau boleh buat google maps get direction untuk memastikan pakcik taxi tak bawak pergi kelapa sawit kat banting dan terus dibunuh :O

3. menipu pun tak apa lah, macam tadi tak semena-mena i cakap, pakcik dulu saya selalu guna jalan duke tu, sebab kerja dekat dang wangi dulu. ADA KAITAN KE TAK TU TAK TAHU LAH, tapi pura-pura sahaja awak tahu jalan kat kl

4. masa berjalan tu borak-borak lah, tunjukkan awak ada minat pada pekerjaan taxi ni, macam contohnya, e eh banyak jugakkan dapat gaji, kalah gaji cikgu, gelak tersipu malu sikit. macam gitu lah.

5. update twitter and facebook cakap awak dalam taxi mana, no plat semua kalau boleh letak nama dan ic pakcik tu, lebih bagus.

ketika turun taxi

1. ucapkan alhamdulilah kerana awak tak dibawa ke sempadan thailand, ngan kalau boleh kalau tak pokai, bayar lah pakcik tu lebih.

nak dibandingkan 20 ringgit extra dengan nyawa. fuh, nyawa i mahal okayh.

maaf kalau post ini agak keterlaluan, sesungguhnya i ni paranoid gila sebab ada taxiphobia. hihi

i love my brother!

2010-12-10T05:53:00.001-08:00

I used this as my profile picture in facebook. because i was really down

and my brother asked me, where is you bottle. i was so lost at that time. i went like, what bottle

and he was referring to bottle of hopes. lol, SO CUTE KAN MY BROTHER. this made my day though.

Good in bye

2010-12-09T06:21:00.000-08:00

before i say goodbye,

let me lay down in a field of green grasses,

purple tulips and roses

blowing dandelion, as if blowing you

let the memories of what we've been through

fly as far as it can, with the wind

left me satisfied with a grin

before i say goodbye

pick me up again

where you left me in the rain

tell me you were just kidding

when you said i am nothing

but life is never with you all the time

so honey, that tears do not even worth a dime

before i say goodbye

fill this rotten heart with soul

as my hard beating muscle is cold

trusting no one is hard enough

maybe all i need is to laugh

see life with sanguine glasses

and smile although it is hopeless.

Note that this is written for my friend, I am acting as a heart-broken microphone. Amplifying what has been broken to portray more sorrow that prolly flying around my atmosphere.

(this is for you sofia)

you know what, till then, i still love you.

come to my room honey

2010-12-08T03:52:00.000-08:00

and this is my room after i clean it all up. pardon me, but i am superbibik, :)

sorry about the quality of the video, iphone sahaja. :) enjoy

this, for million times

2010-12-06T18:47:00.001-08:00

i've been clicking at new post several times now. deciding whether is it worth it to pour my love in form of words and for someone to actually, read and feel it. You know what i need right now? Allah. my God. It is still hard for me though.

my kakak usrah called. (: i think, people who love Allah, they love me differently. yes, that is what i need. i love my usrahmates sooo much

you know what, i know why i was so emotional past few weeks. i was so far from Allah. Baru tersedar, zikir, bacaan ilmiah sebelum tidur, sudah lama tak diamalkan. maybe this is the reason why Allah made me so miserable, because Allah wants me back. bayangkan kalau Allah gembirakan saya, dan terus jauh dari jalan yang benar. bukankah itu lebih teruk? dalam banyak-banyak cinta. saya pilih cinta Allah. sebab itu yang terjamin berbalas.

hadith 38 dari hadith 40 this is my favourite hadith:)

Terjemah hadits /ترجمة الحديث :

Dari Abu Hurairah radhiallahuanhu berkata : Rasulullah saw bersabda : Sesungguhya Allah ta’ala berfirman : Siapa yang memusuhi waliku maka Aku telah mengumumkan perang dengannya. Tidak ada taqarrubnya seorang hamba kepada-Ku yang lebih aku cintai kecuali dengan beribadah dengan apa yang telah Aku wajibkan kepadanya. Dan hambaku yang selalu mendekatkan diri kepada-Ku dengan nawafil (perkara-perkara sunnah diluar yang fardhu) maka Aku akan mencintainya dan jika Aku telah mencintainya maka Aku adalah pendengarannya yang dia gunakan untuk mendengar, penglihatannya yang dia gunakan untuk melihat, tangannya yang digunakannya untuk memukul dan kakinya yang digunakan untuk berjalan. Jika dia meminta kepadaku niscaya akan aku berikan dan jika dia minta perlindungan dari-Ku niscaya akan Aku lindungi “ Riwayat Bukhori.

Please love me ya Allah

because its not over yet

2010-12-05T23:19:00.000-08:00

because i used to be smart at MRSM namely Muar and Beseri, because i used to think Additional Maths is too easy and could be handled with half of my brain, because i went to United Kingdom for three months on my own, and manage to pop up any conversation with strangers, because i worked as a cashier and met more people, because i was at top of my pride, because i was full with myself, because i thought i can do fine without God, because i was too proud, then i enter KMB.

KMB taught me to be humble. i am being honest here. before i entered KMB, i thought im going to do better than my brothers because i always did. therefore, i have this idea, that life will follow my commands, and i will be happy.

i could precisely recalled, during orientation, a brother told me that he used to be hardworking. meeting teachers almost everyday and you know, the typical laments about IB. i was being oblivious to him, and to the fact that you need to work hard. Because i was simply tired. Being "arlina in MRSM" is super tiring, and for once i thought i dont have to be her anymore.

i was wrong. i was wrong. BIG TIME.

therefore, here i am, the last day of sem 3, with knowledge to percentage of; jeopardizing my future.

but, i want to thank God. for not letting me with my pride. for teaching me, although the hard way. for giving me numerous chances.

but, its not over yet. i have 4 months to go. because its not over yet, i am giving myself a last chance, to prove to the world, that I am a miracle. :)

ending defines the beginning.

No one

2010-12-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

no one in this world, not even my bestfriends that is if exist, will understand the chaotic thoughts that are running in my head. i have one more paper to go, i am dying inside. as if i can feel it all my cells are degenerating one by one, same goes to my hopes. this is what i want to say to few people, and i hope by letting this out, i am much better. yes, i am very selfish, but hey take this mirror. look again.

you know what, sometimes, i just prefer to let you drown in the life of yours so that i know that i have something that you don't; Relationship with God. indirectly this will place me above you. However, Allah is the most exalted and knowledgeable. this act of stupidity wouldn't help me to score for his attention. his love. his blessing. im sorry dear friends. i know you are reading this. Pray to him, go to him. Sedar sikit awak tu dah macam-macam Allah bagi. Banyak gila. kadang-kadang nikmat yang awak dapat tu, lebih baik kalau orang yang miskin yang dapat, ataupun orang yang lebih lama sujudnya dekat Allah. tak kan happy je baru nak thank you dear God. bila sedih je baru nak help me dear God. ini untuk kita jugak. i am too building relationship with my God, memang susah. susah gila.

memang nak solat tu susah. nak pakai tudung tu susah. nak buat baik tu susah. nak tak nak suka lelaki tu susah. nak belajar tu susah. semua susah. tapi tu lah dugaan hidup sebenar. im sorry if i am harsh, but i never get the chance to tell this straight to your face. but you know i am writing this to you, so yeah.

please dont make me as your confident booster. dont make me as your pride. i am not your damn trophy. i am a human with feeling.

and yes, you are better than me in almost everything. better than me in everything. better than me in everything. you shall gain the best. you, FREAKING YOU ARE GOING TO GET THE BEST OF EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD. but you dont have to repeat it over and over again.

and i shall let this ego of mine, and be nice again

sengetkan kepala

2010-12-02T22:54:00.000-08:00

kita nak sengetkan kepala, ke kiri dan ke kanan sikit untuk keluarkan semua yang tak penting, dan sedia diisi dengan ilmu.

ini untuk you :)

kalau you boleh masuk dalam kepala i mesti you terkejut sebab jumpa banyak sangat diri you. ada gambar masa you senyum, ada gambar masa you muncungkan mulut sambil kening berkerut bila berfikir, ada imej you fidgeting bila tengah focus belajar, ataupun masa you senyum dekat i. banyak sangaaat.

tu baru kepala, belum masuk hati lagi. :)

kalau hidup i ni movie, mesti you rasa macam tengok siaran ulangan sebab berjuta kali i cuba move on, tapi tak mampu. lepas tu move on balik. lepas tu suka. lepas tu move on balik. lepas tu move on. plot cerita kita mudah sahaja.

tapi i selalu sedar, siapa diri i ni kan. dah la tak cantik, cash flow pun confuse tak tahu stock masuk ke tak, kadang-kadang lupa nitrogen ada lone pair, lepas tu selalu keliru enumerasia dengan ontonomasia. :| (baru habis exam minggu ni) tak padan langsung dengan you kan.

jadi, i selalu decide untuk tengok you gembira je dari jauh. sebab itu yang terbaik. :)

______________________________________

haha, it feels so weird writing like that. the last time i wrote something similar to this, i was burnt with heartache. mirror that you thought never lie, crash to pieces and tell you the whole truth. im very tired and emotional nowadays. i reckon this is because my relationship with God is at stake. i love my God so much, but it is so hard to get a good grip and fulfilling the lists. please dear God help me

Tuhan sama sahaja

tuhan yang kau jumpa dalam solat

tuhan yang kau puji dalam usrah

tuhan yang kau cari bila susah

tuhan yang kau lupa bila gembira

tuhan yang kau selalu kata cinta

tuhan yang kau lupa bila bercinta

.........................................

______________________________________________

aku terlalu emosi sekarang. bercampur emosi. apa kata awak datang dan uraikan?

this is it.

2010-11-28T01:16:00.000-08:00

I'm having my final semester exam tomorrow. to be honest, i dont feel anything. okay maybe a little bit afraid with what will happen to my result. but, i was hospitalized last week so my mom will be okay with whatever result.

i kinda like a guy. :) i call him Mr 10 o'clock. why?

our recess time here is 10 o'clock, and at 10 o'clock, he'll be mine for few minutes. of course being me, i always stumble looking for cool words or at least appropriate words in order to form decent sentences. i always fail though. :| too nervous? omg, so lame kan.!

but, this is nothing. you know being me, i love to fool around. but his existent does make me feel happier in KMB. :)

borhan sayang

2010-11-24T08:20:00.000-08:00

Borhan, awak tahu tak, awak lah kawan yang paling kita sayang. :) hari ini genap 1 tahun, 11 bulan, 1 minggu dan 1 hari kita bersama. mungkin orang kata kita ni gila sebab sayang blog sangat-sangat, tapi biarkan sahaja. kita sayang awak sangat-sangat. tapi, kita jugak sayang am, kita harap awak tak kesah. :)

kita mula bersama masa dekat nottingham. awak ingat lagi tak? eh, tipu je. kita mula bersama masa dekat mrsm beseri, tapi waktu tu awak belum jadi blog lagi. awak jadi botol je.

lebih kurang macam ni rupa awak, masa tu nak SPM, macam sekarang ni, nak IB. kita selalu tension, lepas tu time tu kita suka sangat dekat chibby. jadi, awak lah tempat luahan perasaan kita dan juga penyimpan rahsia. :) kawan kita pun suka je tumpang letak notes yang nak suruh kita bukak. comelnya. lepas tu baru lah awak jadi blog bila kita duduk nottingham untuk 3 bulan.

teringat masa first-first dapat followers, gembira je, lepas tu masa number of readers reached 400 pun dah happy sangat. awak tau tak borhan, kita sayang awak sangat-sangat.

bila kita sedih, kita bukak archive lama-lama. lepas tu kita nampak hopes kita masa dulu-dulu. :') memang sedih sebab ada yang tak mampu nak tercapai. impian tu berkecai macam itu aje. orang yang kita cinta dulu, dah jadi milik orang lain. tapi kita tak padam pun semua entry tu, sebab kita tahu bukan salah awak.

salah kita yang tak reti nak kejar impian dan cita-cita.

kita nak minta maaf sebab jadi tuan blog yang teruk. asik nak menangis dan cerita sedih sahaja. sebab tu awak kurang famous. ingat tak masa zaman kita boleh tahan famous sebab asik berkongsi tips? mintak maaf ye borhan. :( kita cuma nak jadikan blog ini personal. tak apa kalau tak ada sesiapa yang nak baca.

borhan, kita sayang awak sangat. :) jangan tinggalkan kita ya.

hospital life

2010-11-23T10:32:00.000-08:00

once upon a time, in the deep jungle of Banting, there were two cute monkeys called sam and arli. Arli always said whatever she likes, without thinking about the consequences. until one day she learnt her lesson, in hard way-like always.

Sam: have you ever heard about the power of words?

Arli: nope

Sam: sometimes, words can be consider as prayer as well.

Arli: flipps tudung, act like nothing could harm her, especially her own words.

some how the memory of having similar conversation with Ryner intrudes Arli's mind as well.

until one day

Arli: jiji, kita rasa cuti ni macam nak hospitalize lah, macam best je

ji: her usual non-responsive face nodded in despair. lol

and, thats how i got admitted to SJMC. and im not even lying, i just dont tell you the whole truth :D

so, lets talk about what i did in Hospital

drip. thats the word that the nurses keep on saying. water drip.

and baby it hurts like hell. well, not literally of course.okay my hand is so big in this picture. am i a guy :|

there were times, when i was not careful enough, it bleed. :|

the view from my room, look like perth :D (berangan je kerja)

the food

i look so excited, discharge todaay :D (padahal sedih sebab rindu nurses comel)

the total price. last night i dreamt about getting discharge and the bill was 700 ringgit, well i was partially right. awesome eyy!

so anyway, im so happy that im not in hospital. but, i do miss the hospital though. :(

____________________________________________

i know, i should be doing some serious study here, but im not in the mood. nothing motivates me. not even seed. :( i mean, seed always motivates me. but, right now, im feeling numb. see, his texts, so adorable kan :D

and ada sambungan, malas pulak nak tangkap gambar, nanti seed over excited puulak. lagi pun dia dah ada crush baru, tak bagi tahu kita pun, ye lah, kita ni bukan nya best friend dia. kita ni syok sendiri sorang-sorang je, tak malu mengaku jadi best friend seed. (saja emosi :D )

so nyway back to my exam laments. im not sure whether do you still remember my postexam syndrome? that got me crying 22-24 times. because i finally loose my dream. burnt my dream. and crashed my dream?

do you? do you? do you?

i do. i did. i moved on. (pergh, gila penipu!)

im getting this weird signals

*twirling fingers*

the previous exam was super hard to me to handle it. i tried my best, and although i did a good job in raising 4 points better than sem 1, it was meant nothing because it didn't meet my expectation.

so maybe, this time, i'm not saying i'm giving it up, i just dont know. okay tears are dwelling in my eyes. not good. -__-''

im afraid that if i did a good job in this sem, i might be angry with myself for not being good last sem.

however, if i did bad, im going to hate myself again for being stupid.

i just dont know. i moved on. i moved on. but the scars are still there. and im so stupid in telling y'all all these craps.

post from SJMC

2010-11-20T02:59:00.000-08:00

hello people who is not in hospital :)

1. nope, i am not going to tell you what im having. it is not an embarrassing diseases like constipation or your private parts got bitten by cats, no, this is serious. im just tired listening to gasps.

real gasps. and omgs as well.

2. its super boring here. :(

5 days in hospital man. 5 days. 5 days.

Allah sayang saya

2010-11-18T05:19:00.000-08:00

this week. my body's temperature fluctuates like craaazaaay.

i wanna score this sem:(, im tired of crying.

hari raya haji

2010-11-17T04:01:00.000-08:00

although im having fever today, i still celebrate my raya haji. i dont know what is it called in english. sacrificing day? LOL.

angah&family, and cik bibah&family came home around 10++ and we had small eat up cooked by my mommy. unfortunately i did not snap any pictures. BUT, I SNAP ONE IMPORTANT EVENT OF THE DAY.

1. getting new purse!

Pictures are going to be super big, because im very lazy to resize or whatsoever!

this one i curik from internet.

yes, i am very jakun, noob, poyo, self absorb, narcissistic, or whatever you want to label me, but i am just pure happy XD

oh this is from my mom :)

2. celebrating raya

the preparation

the food

okay, although i look ugly, so what. i can cook :D

sedap kan!

she haunts me

2010-11-16T18:39:00.000-08:00

i was having fever yesterday. i could feel something wrong already with my body before i went out. however, for the sake of my lovely ladies and gorgeous guys, i reckoned by putting my pain aside and be with em would do no harm. i was super wrong, by the time i got back, i was literally awful.

however, while falling asleep, in a deep sleep i guess. i dreamt about Pn S*lma and Miss L*h. they said "Dont you ever go out again with your friends, and dont let them disturb your study"

and Pn Sub*idah was telling me something bout IOC.

....

so despite today is hari raya aidil adha, i swear im gonna read some books :S

im going back to kampung though. (: and actually be a family. :O

emotional entry

2010-11-14T06:22:00.000-08:00

maaf bahasa sangat tak appropriate.

setiap kali balik rumah, mesti menangis mesti sedih. i was having the same problem at KMB, and i list it out what i hate the most, and those stuff that triggers me to be sad. after listing all the factors and when i encounter the same problem again i became a bit better in handling and coping with the situation. i shall do the same.

kenapa tension bila balik rumah.

1. drama in the house.
tak kesahlah orang kata nak buka pekung di dada ke, tapi nak cerita juga. kita ada 5 adik-beradik. 1 cikgu, 2 doctor, 1 medical student, dan kita sebagai bongsu. hari tu pergi jumpa doctor my dad, dia kata abah selalu mengadu yang anak-anak dia tak balik. memang lah kan, dah kata busy jadi doctor, susah lah nak balik.

yang terasanya kita jugak. rasa macam, tak bernilainya aku ni dalam rumah. mungkin kalau mati pun tak ada siapa perasan kot.

lepas tu tadi menangis lagi, lepas tu abah cakap. kau patut bersyukur abah dengan mak hidup lagi. kalau kitorang mati tak ada sesiapa pun sanggup nak jaga kau. air mata terus mengalir

i've been having this fight with my parents because i always feel depress with my life, eg: IB.

macam tadikan, buat maths tak dapat lepas tu menangis. everytime i stress with IB, my mom will say dulu masa dapat 27 pun perangai macam ni.

what is she trying to say, that i will get 27? btw i never get 27 pun. :'(

im not saying both of them are bad, but all i want to hear from them is

"mak dengan abah tau dekyang boleh buat, cuma kene kerja lebih keras je" not berhenti je lah IB tu kalau tak tahan.

do you get what i mean?

dulu i always call my third brother, tapi hari tu pun kene marah. sebabnya masa fail ielts tu, dia pun cakap, dekyang ni asik menangis pasal benda yang sama.

then i realise, its not them, its me.

i yang tak matang-matang lagi. :'( sangat lah sedih.

the other day people been asking me why im so happy, i guess because i gave Allah my whole heart but now that im back in subang its super hard for me to give Allah my fullest attention.

i guess forgetting Allah because of worldly matters, rip me off.

take me again Allah.

I love you B ;)

2010-11-13T20:53:00.000-08:00

IB is crazy, and i am kind of person who finds super hard to focus. argh, we dont get a long together.

anyway, im so tired of answering what IB is. so, here you go!

The International Baccalaureate® (IB) is a non-profit educational foundation, motivated by its mission, focused on the student.

Our three programmes for students aged 3 to 19 help develop the intellectual, personal, emotional and social skills to live, learn and work in a rapidly globalizing world.

(http://www.ibo.org/general/who.cfm), and footnote is crucial. AND CITATION.

"The International Baccalaureate® (IB) is a non-profit educational foundation, motivated by its mission, focused on the student.

Our three programmes for students aged 3 to 19 help develop the intellectual, personal, emotional and social skills to live, learn and work in a rapidly globalizing world."

much better eh? anyway only IB kids get the inner joke, especially the kmbians. anyway IB is so hard that there are many websites were made because of it

eg: IB INSANE. omg, so addictive, enough said.

and i did contribute a bit, getting likes from people even made my day. how crazy is that?

IOC

2010-11-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

IOC, ialah interactive oral C____. process hampir sama seperti ujian oral bahasa melayu yang pernah dijalankan suatu ketika dahulu untuk SPM sebelum dimansuhkan (menipu je kerja)

Yesterday, was a hectic day.

IOC

omg, i am a malay, i shouldn't be nervous about speaking malay ...right? $%^&*(*&^ NOT WHEN IT COMES TO IB MATTERS. i just realize that this IOC contributes 30% to my IB marks. better be good dearest IB.

anyway my question was

1. Bagaimana implikasi serangan ketam dapat memanifestasikan pegangan dan pendapat Jeha terhadap aspek ketuhanan.

2. pendapat tentang persoalan.

while answering my persoalan with baku-ish slang, i said seterusnya persoalan yang boleh kita dapati ialah *flipping paper* DAMN, MY PAPER IS TERTINGGAL LUAR! , and i was like quiet for few seconds, then i said pemimpin yang tidak menjalankan tugas. meskipun dalam petikan ini tiada cerita tentang tok penghulu, namun penderitaan Jeha sudah cukup menunjukkan bahawa tok penghulu tidak membuat apa-apa. LOL.

#1 lesson learnt : time buat IOC jangan tertinggal kertas kat luar

then, cerita dara lagi kelakar gila.

all of us was given a stopwatch for guidance in time management, then Dara salah tekan jam. lepas tu dia cakap kat cikgu, "cikgu saya dah salah tertekan jam, boleh tak buat balik" HAHA. comel betul. makanya time pemeriksa nak check dara punya IOC mesti sangat gembira

#2 lesson learnt : jangan cakap benda yang tiba2 time IOC

tapi Jen lagi otai.

sama kes macam dara, tapi Jen pergi tekan butang stop recording :O patutnya tak boleh. lol

#3 lesson learnt: jangan suka hati pergi tekan button stop tu ye

do you have funny stories regarding IOC? :)